I guess since it’s a pandemic, I’m pregnant, and I have a million thoughts swirling around in my head, I thought I might come back to this space to write some of those thoughts down. Right now I’m at the stage in tiny bb development that I can feel occasional wiggles from my midsection. I don’t know if bb is flipping around or not, but based on where stuff was located on the last ultrasound I can kind of distinguish the punches from the kicks. Last week after a particularly noticeable bout of movement, I was struck with the feeling that I was proud of the little bb in there, and sort of proud of myself. Proud that they were conquering these little developmental milestones and that I was giving them a space to do that. Growing up I’d always sort of balk at people’s compliments for things I perceived to be normal and expected. Like graduating high school. To me, that was not a feat and I was just supposed to do it so I did. (I can now see that this shows my privilege that provided me very few obstacles to succeeding in high school.) But now that I’m looking at this life that I π€π³π¦π’π΅π¦π₯ (?!), every little thing seems like something to be proud of. I made it one more day!! Little bb has fingers!! They wiggle around in my body!!! These are feats and it’s okay for me to be proud of them and maybe one day Lil’ Cutie will experience that in some way too. So maybe it’s weird to feel proud of feeling baby movements but I’m okay with that and am ready to keep feeling proud of the steps we keep making!!
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