Something that’s been on my mind a lot is identity- how we identify, how our identity shifts through time, and what experiences influence how we see ourselves. My doctoral research has been focusing on science identity (feeling like a “science person”). A lot of that research finds that being recognized as a science person by people around you is a strong driver of identifying as one yourself. So I keep applying that to my own life in other ways (even if that may not be technically supported by the research 😅). Having basically been stuck inside for a year, the only people I’m really interacting with are people that I know. I barely saw anyone new when I was pregnant, and have never taken Bats anywhere except the doctor’s office. There have not been extended opportunities for me to meet anyone new in my role as “pregnant” and as a “mom”. I’m posting on social media, but it’s all sort of negotiating the old Emma with this new baby accessory, which isn’t doing a lot to change how I identify. I was thinking about this because I visited family out of town this weekend and had the chance to meet people who have never known me except with a baby and as a mom. I had absolutely no clue how to socialize in this way. I have never introduced Bats to anyone really and have never negotiated my identity as his mom. I was sort of lost? Like- I am a lot of other things, but the mom things are such an easy thing to start talking about, especially with the baby right there. I can’t quite get at why I wasn’t good at it but this could also just be general rustiness in small talk. (Side note: someone said “go heels!” to me at a grocery store and I said “thanks” 🤦🏻♀️) I bet I’d experience this identity crisis anyway but covid has really delayed and warped it I’m sure. I am not feeling recognition much in this new role, at least by new people, so I’m sort of in this limbo and not sure how to identify in relation to other parents. I have more thoughts but this is already so long 🥴
