Catching the Bouquet

 Here is the deal. If you are a single woman attending a wedding, there will come a moment when everybody else in the room decides it would be a grand idea to make you and your fellow "not-with-it-enough-to-have-a-man" counterparts gather in the middle of the room so they can taunt and jeer at you while you act like a fool to get your hands on a superstitious get-out-of-singlehood-free card. It's this point in the wedding when Beyonce's "All The Single Ladies" starts running through your head much like a haunting circus theme that only comes on in the types of movies I'm too wussy to watch.

Now I, for one, tend to come alive when I feel like I'm on stage, so I pretend like it is a game or performance as some sort of a coping mechanism. I have come back with my fair share of bouquets, so I decided to share with you some steps to catching the bouquet.

1. You have to want it. This is the most influential piece to your acquisition of the flowers. Nobody really thinks about it or cares about it that much, so if you decide you want it, the bouquet is as good as yours.
2. Don't be afraid to look crazy. Most girls, when forced to stand in a clump of their peers with a huge blinking arrow sign above that says "HEY YOU BOYS, I'M SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE", will try to maintain some sort of poise. The dedication to sacrifice that femininity so that you can get your hands on the prize will get you pretty far.*
3. Stand in the front and make a lot of noise. These girls are trying to look innocent and cute, so if you stand in front of everybody and push them out of the way, they will be so confused that they will back away.
4. Also, wear heels. Add height, can be used as a weapon... crucial tool.
5. Feel out the wedding/group of girls. Are they all deathly afraid of the flowers? Do they want it as much as you? Are they a bunch of wimps? Will they literally eat you alive if you take away their one chance to dance with a single man (the garter catcher)? This will help you to gauge your necessary level of intensity.
6. Don't just stare at the thing, grab it. I've caught my fair share of bouquets, and most of them were times when I literally just picked it up off the ground. One time the bride's toss was too short, and we all stared at the thing like it contained the Ebola virus. It suddendly donned on me that this bouquet would lie there infinitely if I didn't grab it, so I took charge. Another bouquet was acquired when it somehow managed to make it past the initial barrage of man-hungry hands and fall to the floor. Without having to be involved in the mess, I simply reached down and claimed my prize.
7. Don't be too obvious. Yes, my friends have purposefully held down my hands just so I wouldn't catch the bouquet. I was so confused that I just let it happen, but I will from this point on be on my guard.
8. Never give up. Fight to the bitter end. This applies to all areas of your life as well.

I hope these tips will prove useful to you single ladies out there who might have to face the music one day. For your entertainment, I have included a few pictures of past bouquet tosses at weddings I've attended.

"what?! she's throwing the bouquet from the balcony?!?!?" 

Nancy & Jonathan, 5/28/11

My dedication was outdone by my own flesh and blood.

Kelly & Jimmy, 12/19/10

Those are faces of determination and desire. (Lisa's [center] own wedding is this summer, so she will be out of the running in the future)

Chris & Missy, 10/9/09

*It occurs to me that catching the bouquet is supposed to mean that you are the next to get married, but the girls who maintain their dignity in front of this crowd are probably 10x more likely to actually get a boyfie. Ironic. (Right? Thanks to Alanis, I'm fuzzy as to when to use the word)

Taking a Breather

 *there are pics at the end of this post if you wanna just skip the words and see pics*

(as a blog reader myself, i'm just lookin out for you. also i get kinda philosophical towards the end if that sounds interesting to you)

update: Since all I ever want to do is post e.e. cummings poems on this blog, I resist the urge to even post. All other creative juices are sucked out by my lack of time to even eat a proper meal, and I am left with no motivation to write a blog. But the idea is so enticing! Musing is one of my very favorite pastimes. I think without an outlet like this, I just end up boring and/or weirding out my friends.  With that, I would like to gladly announce that I am on spring break, and what a break it is. With time to breathe, the likelihood of this blog being something worth reading has shot through the roof, not unlike the amount of sleep I am gifted with this week.

preview: Things to look forward to this summer: musings about weddings, perhaps the evolution of this blog into a wedding blog unlike any other... from the perspective of the attendant, since I will be a professional wedding guest this summer. Let's just say I should probably learn the dance to Beyonce's "Single Ladies" so that I might entertain all those watching the spectacle that is the bouquet toss, while also using some ninja moves to procure all 8 bouquets.

the real post: This week I've been helping out at Union Independent School here in Durham. They are a year-round school, so they are currently "tracked out" (i think that's what they call it... sounds a little like cracked out, which could be just as likely here in durham... is that bad to say?). This week they are putting on a camp for the lil chillins so they aren't bored to tears. We've had a ball so far, partaking in all that the Bull City can offer. We walked/took a city bus to the Durham Bulls game, where our time was filled with "dance breaks" and home runs, which are especially exciting because smoke comes out of the bull's nose! (You kinda have to already know what I'm talking about to picture it.) Today was probably my favorite, because we got to go to the Scrap Exchange and hang out in the Durham Central Park. And that brings me to the thought I wanted to muse on that brought this whole post into being: Imagination.

Being in the Scrap Exchange was like a magical transportation into the inner workings of an imagination. You walk into a room that is lined with barrels full of delightfully organized scraps of what originally looks like well-sorted trash. You are a little overwhelmed and skeptical. But with Devandra Banhart on in the background and projects hanging from any and all wall space, you start to sink into the core of your imagination and sit there for a while to see what comes out. It is stressful at first-- the free reign to create legitimately anything your heart desires. But then, you settle in and it blossoms. I found my niche as a frilly accessory maker, coming out with headbands made from plastic flowers and what I can only assume were discarded elastics for underwear from some clothing factory. By the end, the girls were fairy princesses and the boys were civil war soldiers, waging an epic battle complete with shields and helmets. The time flew as all of us... both the 6-year-olds and the 28-year-olds threw off the shackles of standards/objectives/rules and just created. It was glorious.

But there is something about imaginative creations that seem so silly out of context. Inside that room, we were princesses, good guys, and bad guys. An old CD was an axe, a flava-flav necklace, a shield. All that junk serves a purpose and is necessary to exist inside of those four walls. But then you leave, and eat lunch or something, then look down at your pile of stuff and a little bit of the magic is gone. What was a ferocious shield is now just 4 CD jewel cases barely held together by masking tape. You're not a princess, you just have a bunch of plastic flowers taped to a cup. By the time you walk it all home, you are left with a less-shiny version of something that just doesn't make sense in the "real" world. I think the beauty of childhood is that that magic veneer doesn't really wear off as quickly as when you're an adult. Everything's a little more enchanting, all parts of the world are a little bit mixed in with imagination. I like to think of it as part of my job as an educator/future-mom to create those spaces so that kids don't have to take off the rose-colored imagination glasses and can live in the blissful oblivious world of imagination for as long as they want. Really, I think I'm probably still there in a lot of ways.

the chillins outside the scrap exchange gettin ready to create! 

dj headphones... definitely one of my favorite creations 

lil chica sporting fairy wings, headband, fairy wand, and flava-flav style necklace/medal 

the epic battle for which there was so much preparation and so little actual battling. i think this captures some of the magic, but it really can't be captured.

Spring

 e.e. cummings knows spring, by golly. and spring has certainly sprung here in Durham. here's another poem.  (it is best read when sitting in a field with the sun shining on your face):

now winging selves sing sweetly,while ghosts(there

and here)of snow cringe;dazed an earth shakes sleep

out of her brightening mind:now everywhere

space tastes of the amazement which is hope

gone are those hugest hours of dark and cold

when blood and flesh to inexistence bow

(all that was doubtful's certain,timid's bold;

old's youthful and reluctant's eager now)

anywhere upward somethings yearn and stir

piercing a tangled wrack of wishless known:

nothing is like this keen(who breathes us)air

immortal with the fragrance of begin

winter is over--now(for me and you,

darling!)life's star prances the blinding blue

-e.e. cummings

Board Tweets

 Twitter is sweeping the RHS nation. Well, let me re-phrase that. Twitter has already swept the RHS nation, but now it is seeping into the teacher world. I have had a regular twitter (@refvemma) for a while, but I decided that my teacher alter-ego needed one to keep up with the kiddies (@msrefvem). Really, it's for the kiddies to keep up with me. I can tweet interesting stuff from the web or reminders about homework or announcements about how many fish have died (i'm working on a post about the epic saga of animals that call room 222 home, stay tuned...).

All that to say, we tend to talk in twitter lingo sometimes in class. I had a kid answer a question on a test something to the effect of "We need to save biodiversity so that it can provide ecosystem services and the environment can last for future generations. #swag"... For those of you who are less up to twitter speed, that is a hash tag. And a student wrote a hash tag at the end of a test answer. I gave him some "lol points" for that one.

On Friday, we had some green pancakes and bacon in Ms. Hunter's AP Bio class, about which some tweet-ers in the class tried to start a trending topic: #apbiobaconswag. Much discussion of hataz (those who hate) also came up during breakfast.

Ms. Hunter (@mikajhunter) gettin her green pancake/sunglass/rollpiratesroll swag on


Since Ms. Hunter and I have so much fun talkin bout hataz, I googled "hater quotes." (side note: i HIGHLY recommend googling hater quotes. it will entertain you. clearly there are a lot of drama queens trying to fill up their facebook profile "about me" sections, and someone has found and filled in that internet niche). I came up with some great ones, enough to inspire my "quote of the day/week/whenever-i-feel-like-changing-the-quote." While writing it, I was encouraged by my 4th period to write it in ghetto twitter/txt lingo. Here is the result:

Some more "board tweets" for your enjoyment:

(this next one is not necessarily a tweet, but a reaction to Food, Inc. which we were watching in APES. Born out of a sad joke about making baby chicks straight into nuggets.)

It will be interesting to see how this whole twitter thing evolves... follow me if you dare! @msrefvem

Spring Fever

Today I really felt like myself, and I'm not sure why, or if that even makes sense since technically I am myself every day, but I liked it!! I got a little sassy with my students, and by that I mean that I am getting more assertive as the days go on and it's a good thing. Part of my wonderful day had to be the weather, while the other part of it was that I got to chill in my favs outfit. I wore chacos, carhartts, and a light thermal shirt, set off by my default earrings, a headband, and a low bun. If that's not a typical spring Emma outfit, then I don't know what is. I also did laundry at the laundromat while jamming out to some new songs, squeezing in some grading during the wait times. So productive and college of me! By the time I got to community group, I was so hopped up on caffeine and spring that I couldn't contain myself! I can't get over this weather. I just wish every day could be like today. I'm drinking it in and it's only February. I surely hope I won't retreat back into my winter hole once it gets cold again, because I simply cannot deal with that!

Because I have spring fever and I love my outfit so much, I will leave you with a picture of daffodils and some poetry from e.e. cummings. Nothing says spring like poems and DAFFODILS!!!

in Just-

spring      when the world is mud-

luscious the little

lame balloonman

whistles       far       and wee

and eddieandbill come

running from marbles and

piracies and it's

spring

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer

old balloonman whistles

far          and         wee

and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it's

spring

and

       the

             goat-footed

balloonMan         whistles

far

and

wee 

LOL Points: N-Cycle Edition

 In APES (AP Environmental Science), you have to learn about the nitrogen cycle. Really, you just have to learn that nitrogen cycles through the ecosystem. It is vaguely important to know how nitrogen switches forms so that we humans can get it into our lovely tissues to make DNA and survive and all that, but the test writers really really want you to know how to identify all the steps.

Last semester, I did a particularly horrible job of imparting this knowledge to my students. This semester, with the help of some good ol' fashioned arts and crafts, topped off with the ever-present motivation of earning lol points for making me chuckle, those kids learned them some N-cycle. These two particularly exemplary students went above and beyond to impress me, and now hopefully you as well, with their wit. Maybe you will learn something about how nitrogen gets from being an inert gas in the air to making up the base of your genetic code!

artist one: will h.

artist 2: josh a.

I had a blog in high school...

 And now I teach high school. It's only fair.

I am trying this out again, for reals this time. I promise it won't be too mushy. That's about all I can promise.

And now, to add some bittersweet to your Monday, some Neutral Milk Hotel.

"And one day we will die

And our ashes will fly 

from the aeroplane over the sea

But for now we are young

Let us lay in the sun

And count every beautiful thing we can see

Love to be

In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me, me"

change

There's nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.

-Nelson Mandela, A Long Walk to Freedom

Looking back on this blog, it is really pronounced how much I have changed. I no longer need this blog to process my life. I guess it comes along with getting older, but I've found that I am not as dependent on what other people think as before. Don't get me wrong, I am still definitely aware of other people's opinions on my life, but I am becoming who I am, and I'm doing it by myself.

It is hard to look back on this blog. It is hard to look back and see where I was when I wrote those posts. I want to go back and tell younger Emma how to live and how to act and what to write! I have not noticed specific changes, but now I can see that they are there. I can't articulate these changes... that hasn't changed! I have a problem pinning down exactly what I feel, because I think it's too much for words. It's hard to know that while I am different, I am still everything that I was before. I'm still these words. I'm still that annoying high schooler. It is a part of me, but it doesn't define everything that I am. 

My goal (make it a mid-year's resolution) is to live life. Live fully, live richly, and take it all in. I don't want to let my life pass me by. I'm almost 21! I'm entering this new phase of my life where I've been given all kinds of instructions on how to live this life and now I get to go out and live it. Crazy!

So I thought when I started this blog that I wanted to keep doing it, but I almost want to stop it here and let it live on as what it was. I need some sort of closure, so I feel like this is as good a time as any. It's really the end for this blog.

Au revoir!

no more black dot!

Instead of a black dot, I know have an incision scab and 3 stitches! That's right, Dad took it out last Sunday in his office. After some numbing shots and realizations that he wasn't cutting muscle, the thing is out. Maybe it's pencil lead? Maybe it's something else? Only pathology will tell.

In other news, I've found that I try to find satisfaction in other people and it leaves me empty and overanalizing everything like I always do. I find satisfaction when people like me and so I get nervous when I do something that people may think is "awkward" and think I'm weird. So if I recognize that I'm being awkward, maybe it won't be as bad. I dunno. And also, I think I can find satisfaction in my family whom I love, but I can only see them every once in a while and that's not enough to fill me. The only thing that works well enough to fill me is Jesus. I can't fill myself with anything else that will be worth my time. And it is a good realization. He has plans for me so I don't have to worry about filling those plans myself. Like, I don't have to worry about boys because it will happen! I don't have to worry about what people think because that's not what ultimately matters. Also, I can be honest because the truth is true and I'm not making anybody love me more by bending it or trying to hide things.

I know that's weird and the audience of this blog basically doesn't exist, but I just wanted to process it on here. There's a lot of my personality in this blog and it kindof makes me happy. So I added one more story to look back on in the future. Hmm.

college

About that black dot on my arm-- I cancelled the appointment because Dad said he could get it out for free. Yay for connections at the hospital! Except I will have to remain in suspense as to the identity of this dot for a while longer.

So here I sit, done with my allotted homework for the day (which I so meticulously planned out yesterday so as to not get ridiculously stressed out), thinking about how this week is like the precurser to the hell that will be next week. I have a lab to do, some physics and chinese homework, a Chinese vocab quiz and test all this week. That's like mini hell week because I can at least give myself some free time between homework sessions. I also have random appointments which make me annoyed because I don't have as much time to sit around and do the work, and I have to walk extra places. Next week, however, I have three tests, two homeworks and a lab due. What? It doesn't hurt that the 3 tests are in subjects in which I feel ridiculously lost. Physics is okay except the problems are really hard and I can't get my mind to wrap around them. Math is hard because the teacher is french and talks really fast and doesn't really give thorough examples. So when it comes to problem solving (in both classes), I'm lost. Also, speaking of problem solving, I don't pay attention in Geomorphology. I mean, I do, but the teacher has a boring voice and I find myself doing the Sudoku from the newspaper (because the crossword just makes me mad usually). So I have a worksheet due and a test on Monday in that. Hopefully I'll be able to get somewhere with studying over the weekend. Basically, next week will be a lot of work. But hopefully I'll get to go home afterwards and deal with the fact that I might not be as good at College as I was at High School and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter at all. I'm going to be a High School teacher and love life and be an environmentally conscious parent and citizen. And, who are we kidding, I'm going to graduate college. Duh. I'm not that bad at school.

So, yeah. That's what life is looking like right now. In other news, I'm getting a haircut on Wednesday. My hair all of a sudden got really long. I don't know how it happened. But it is gross on the ends and needs to be taken care of. So I'm getting it cut at Aveda by a student I think, because it's a school... hopefully they won't try to do something crazy trendy because I just can't handle that. I just want my side bangs to make a comeback and for my hair not to do weird curly things at the end. We'll see. Right now I have my hair in pigtail french braids and they look like the best I've ever given myself. I used bobby pins for the first time in my french braiding career, and what a difference they make! I don't have crazy bumps hanging out... they look very together. Not too tight, not too lose, juuuuuust right. So I think I'm gonna chill out and watch TV while looking over some Chinese stuff. Sounds like a plan!

the saga of the black spot

Ok. So I have this thing on my right arm, located in the skin near the elbow on the anterior side. I don't know what it is, exactly, so i just call it a black dot. I've had it for years and years. Just recently, people have convinced me to fiddle with it and try and see if I can scratch it out, but I just can't and now it looks different. I decided to go to the doctor to see what it actually is. He didn't know. What he did know whas that "Due to the size and color, it needs to come out." Yay! They will send it off to figure out what it is, exactly, after a small biopsy. "Biopsy?" you say? Yes, Biopsy. Under some sort of anesthesia, they will do a "puncy biopsy" where they punch a razor into my skin and dig out the black dot. Sounds... delightful? Maybe not.

I've grown to love this black dot. It is quite the conversation starter. "What is that black spot on your arm, did you get stabbed by a pencil?" It works in all situations. Also, I just love it. It's like a little mystery on my body. Too bad it's the kind of mystery that is a potential health threat. I am excited, however, to finally figure out what it is. I kinda hope it's bad so that I'll feel better about having had it taken out.

So, anyway, I'll keep you updated once the results come back as to what exactly this thingy really is.

what? a post?

Guess what I haven't done in a while? Blogged. I took a respite. It seems that this is the way I've processed things that have happened in my life for the past 3 or so years. When things happened, I wrote them in here so that the thoughts would be somewhere. When I was bored, I excercised my brain and wrote silly stories or used creative language to tella bout goings on in my life. Now it seems that I either don't have time or have so many people in my life that I tell things to that I don't need this blog anymore. But I love it! I love the feeling of writing to an ambiguous audience that may or may not exist. I like telling stories and being silly and writing. I think that this blog has affected my writing style significantly. I write freely and informally, which may or may not be a good thing. Either way, I think it might be high time to bring this puppy back into high gear. I have extra time these days, what with a mere 14 hour schedule with everything done by 2. Also, the curse of Chem Lab is over and now I've made the step down to Physics Lab (which may or may not be a step down... that has yet to be decided). So hows about an update in my life? Nah, that's boring. I am in college, being a YL leader at northwood, and doing homework a lot. C'est La Vie! I love life right about now, with all of it's awkward, depressing, joyful, hilarious, and random moments. Right now, I'm about to watch some more Law and Order SVU and then get things on track. I'll be back!

make new friends, but keep the old...

...one is silver and the other gold! and they're both amazing!!!

I just got back from a meeting with YL at Rasberry Ridge where we sent off our seniors with much ado and many repetitions of Philipians 1:3-6. At the end of it all, we took a picture of the freshman and a comment by one Greg Salazar summed up my adoration for all of them: "You guys roll so deep. You're obsessed!" It's true. I'm obsessed with these kids. I don't want to go places without them. I don't know what my freshman year would've been like without them. I remember being so awkward at the beginning of college, trying out all the different clubs just to see where I would fit. I always prayed that I would find a close knit group of friends who shared my beliefs and with whom I could have a ton of fun. Little did I know that soon enough I would have those wonderful people in my life to such an amazing degree. I have to admit, when it didn't happen almost instantly, I got depressed and thought I'd never find friends. But then College Life happened. And Windy Gap Work Crew happened. And when WG happened again, I knew I'd found them. My loves for life! I was thinking about how I wonder what it will be like when we graduate, and then I started thinking that we have 3 whole entire more years to spend with each other! I have (at least) 3 more years to get established at this High School and spend my time loving high schoolers and having a lot of fun. I have 3 more years to have amazing experiences with these people who I know will be my friends forever.

I really wanted a close group of girl friends. I had Nan and Ash and Audra in high school (and oh how i still love them!), but I knew I wanted a solid group of girls that I can be friends with forever and about whom I can say "I met them in college and we knew we would be friends for life!" And now they're here. And I love them. All of them. It is better than I even imagined when I asked for it.

And not to mention my surrogate suite. I love to hang out with them and they have been way better than my actual suite. (who i never talk to... ever) They are tons of fun!

I also have all of my Cheerio friends. Liles and I have grown so close, mainly because we live so close. It's amazing and I love her and we will be on the same porch this summer at Cheerio and we will LOVE it! And I've gotten to chill with Shmimmy in Chinese and bond about how much we regret the fact that we took such a ridiculous language just to fill our requirement. We may laugh about it later, and we even laugh about it now, but that's mainly to distract ourselves from the fact that we are not that great at Chinese. But at least it's fun!

And then there's the MA crowd. I've grown so close to them. There are 4 of us who became leaders, and we're infamous around the YL crowd. "I'm from Mt. Airy" "Oh, you're one of those..." hahaha. But I really do love them. We love each other and have fun together and love the same things and can hang out when we're in MA as well as when we're at college. It's going to be a fun future with those guys and girls too.

Yay! I just love my friends. I thought I'd share that with my blogging audience. It's been quite a good year! mmmm yay.

Tay Ray Pony came to visit this weekend, and it made me happy! I like to hang out with my high school friends because they are just the coolest. Next weekend I am going home, and it will be a much needed break. I've just been so tired lately, so I will be happy to just chill at home and do nothing.

I am in such a good mood this weekend! I think it's because YL things are finally starting. Tonight is the banquet where we find out where we are placed... and that's just plain exciting. I think another contributor to the good mood is that I've gotten to just hang out and chill this weekend and get some work done and do some laundry and just get settled in. My room is finally cleared of the clothes that have been lying around since getting back from spring break.

Well, there's nothing I really wanted to say, I'm still getting back in the habit of writing in here. I'll keep you posted on where I get placed and what we do with all that later.

told you i'd be back!

I've obtained some recent addictions, and I just thought I'd share them with you, as the audience of this blog.

First: The Daily Tar Heel (DTH) crossword puzzle. I started off being horribly bad at them, but am improving quite well. Apparently that might have something to do with a new source for the puzzles, but still. I like to think it is because my vocabulary is expanding and I am training that side of my brain to work well. It gives me something to do during boring parts of classes... time that used to be spent writing my name in as many different styles as possible. Now I direct my bored energy to the small square boxes, and end up either feeling really good about myself or ridiculously stupid. Most of the time stupid, but what can you do.

Second: Sudoku puzzles. They are along the lines of crossword puzzles, but they require no vocabulary knowledge, only logical reasoning. I kind of like that, when I want to work a little different part of my brain. They are great for airplane travel, as I found out during my 15 (or so) hours spent either in an airplane or airport this spring break.

Third: Fruit snacks. Gushers are number one on my list of favorite fruit snacks, Wal*Mart generic brand "Fruit Smiles" are second, closely followed by Disney themed snacks, which could be tied with Fruit Roll-Ups and Fruit by the Foots. I got some Spongebob snacks hoping they would be as good, but they aren't. They're actually the grossest things I've ever tasted. But you win some you lose some, I say. The only drawback of Fruit Snacks is that they are packaged for little kids, and therefore come in smaller portions. I would appreciate a slightly larger portion, but not double or anything. That's way too much for me. I don't want to get sick of them or anything, I just want to partake of their fruity goodness to a somewhat greater degree.

drinking rum punch and riding on open air taxis and having donkeys watch your presentation for class is a fun experience.

Oh boy. Life is too complicated for me to have time to sit down and externally process it as I've been doing with this blog for 3 years now. I like it when I get the chance, but I forget to give myself the chance. Here is a summary of my life:

I just got back from a spring break in St. John with my Enst 57: Coral Reef Ecology class. Snorkelling and (night) SCUBA was amazing. I saw things such as an eagle ray, a brown octopus, a green and purple (color changing!) octopus at night, a sting ray, a turtle... and much more. Now I am close to 52 (or so) new wonderful people and I can't wait to go to class with them all on Thursday! We keep having mini reunions around the pit area of campus, random sightings that turn into mini reunions as more people realize what is going on. It makes my heart happy.

I interviewed to be a YL leader on Tuesday morning, and they tell me on Friday whether I will be a leader, and if I make it past there, they tell me where I am placed on Sunday. It is going to be a ridiculously awesome and crazy time as a YL leader, and I am so excited. YL has been such a blessing this year-- the fellowship, the best friends, the fun times... college wouldn't have been the same without it.

Chem Lab is almost done FOR GOOD and that makes me so happy. Just 2 more reports until I can DELETE data studio from my computer forever.

Hmm... I guess that's all the main stuff. I'm off to go do some chinese translation homework. I really want to start updating this thing more... I'm making it somewhat of a resolution. So you might want to start checking more often!

Zai Jian!

i can't believe i missed it.

HAPPY (belated) 3RD BIRTHDAY, BLOG!!!

3 years of amazingness. :)

i know i've let this blog get slack, but i'd just like to say that

CAROLINA

BEAT

DOOK

the end.

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... a beautiful day for a neighbor, would you be mine?

So. This is the first Thursday night in a long time that I've felt like I can at least breathe a little bit. Last week was my terrible week, and this week was nice and chill to offset it. I am still recovering, though. My skin has finally stopped freaking out, and I'm starting to catch up on sleep. My roommate was worried about me when I took a really long nap on Monday. I mean it was really long. I keep meaning to take naps, but it's hard to fit them into my schedule. My next hell week will be immediately followed by a trip to the virgin islands, which is definitely worth the pain. That is something I'm really looking forward to.

In other news, today was the reason why I hate winter. 72 degrees? Are you serious?!?!?? Everyone emerged from their cocoons and basked in the gloriousness that is this warm front. Winter is cold and it sucks and everyone stays inside and wears sweatpants and is antisocial. In the spring, however, one can sit outside and read and not be cooped up in a dorm room because it is cold and rainy and windy and stupid outside. I cannot wait for spring/summer. I like to read on the quad. I like to throw a frisbee around. I like to wear shorts and t-shirts and birkenstocks and chacos. It just makes me happy. I am more social when it is warm outside. Chalk it up to seasonal affected depression, or to the fact that I don't tolerate cold very well... but I just absolutely cannot wait. That is why I was sooooo mad at Punxsutawney Phil when he saw his shadow. That kid just needs to get a clue and realize that the world doesn't revolve around him and to just pretend he didn't see his shadow so we can have not six more weeks of winter. Well, too bad this warm front only lasted 2 days. It's going to snow on Saturday. Poop.

I'm excited because I get to go home this weekend and see my family and sleep in my bed and see Ash, whom I haven't seen in FOREVER it feels like, and just chill out. It's going to be superbly awesome.

I sure do love this guy (Tyler Hansbrough). How can I not love him?

This week has been the most stressful week in the history of ever for me. So many assignments and quizzes and tests and no free time... it's been crazy. It will all be over tomorrow after my chem test at 8 and math test at 9. And then it will be friday. and then it will be the weekend. and then i will be able to breathe.

wed. nes. dayyyyy

Windy Gap was fun and now I am trying to get over how tired and behind I got because of the weekend. I love being friends with those people. They make my life oh so happy. I'm having doubts as to whether or not I'm spiritually ready to be a leader, but we're working on it and I think that when the time rolls around I'll be as ready as I'm ever gonna be.

Chem Lab is so much better this semester with Stuart as opposed to last semester with Adam. Stuart is a kazillion times more laid-back than silly old Adam. I also like having Nan and Julia and Caroline in there to joke around with and make the time go by more quickly. Wednesdays sure are tiring, but they're not as hard to deal with as last semester.

I think I'm finally settled in to college. I thought it came a while back, but now I see that I really wasn't then but am now. I am at a deeper level with all my friends, I'm used to classes and have figured out some sort of workload schedule for myself, and I'm just more relaxed. I like the feeling.

I also like the feeling of not being hooked to so many random television shows. As of right now, I'm hooked on Grey's Anatomy, The Bachelor, and Gilmore Girls. I also like to watch Made (on MTV) a lot because I like to live vicariously through high schoolers. I watch other random MTV shows when they come on when I'm flipping through channels randomly, but I'm not technically "hooked." The Bachelor is my guilty pleasure. I know that they probably won't get married and it's a bad concept and probably chauvinist, but whatever. It's fun to watch. You know what else is fun to watch? Ceaser Milan-- the Dog Whisperer. I can't get enough of that show. I love it so much!!!

Right now, I'm going to watch Spellbound with Stephanie and Julia. It's a documentary about the spelling bee. Yes!!

it's been a while

So after having made it through the most depressing day of the year (January 23-24 according to experts), I am now on my way to being excited about spring! I'm working out more, which is nice. I did a bellydancing class last night and tonight I'm going to do yoga. I've been in the pool for my WSI class, which has made me miss swimming. So I'm going to start swimming for excercise more often, too. Yay for getting my body in some sort of shape!

Chinese class is more fun this semester. Perhaps it is because I don't have it first thing in the mornign like last semester, or maybe because I know more and it's easier to build off of something as opposed to starting fresh. Classes themselves are more fun-- maybe the teachers are getting better? Or perhaps they can speak more chinese and less english and we can still understand them. I switched lecture teachers, and Zhou Laoshi (who I have now) seems to do more hands-on things that help us practice speaking. I just need to work on knowing how to write the characters. Memorization is hard!

College Life is exciting because we're starting to do leadership training now. We have folders and memorize verses every week. We talked about contact work at the last meeting, and I was excited. Because I've known what goes on behind the scenes of YL for a long time, but now I will actually be putting it into practice. McKenzie and I have to share our 5-minute testimony for our small group next week, and I'm a little excited. I used to think that sharing a testimony was so hard and when Mom tried to get us to do it back in high school sunday school, I was terrified. Now I realize that it's just my story, and that it shouldn't be scary.

Speaking of College Life, I'm going to Windy Gap this weekend!!! I'm very excited because: a) I will be with my college life loves; b) I will get to see Kristin and Eric and Brad (because eric and brad are doing program); c) I will be at Windy Gap, duh!; and d) because I like to have the break from school. So, it's just going to be a lot of fun chilling out and having fun with my friends. And I get to be a server this time, which is awesome.

I guess that's all for this post... have a great day, everyone!

yakkity yak don't talk back

I just made an interesting discovery-- my wardrobe consists of a lot of pink. I wouldn't have guessed that I was a pink kind of girl, but then I realize that I really am. When I buy new shirts, they are pink or gray. I just surveyed my non-t-shirt-long-sleeve shirts, and pink is the dominating color. I like pink. It makes me happy and brightens my day. So, yeah. Just thought I'd share that with you.

The fam came to visit this weekend. Only one week after having left them, but I still was really glad to hang with them. I got to see Jill and Char swim a bit, then we went out to dinner (on friday). Saturday was fun because we went to South Point and ate lunch and saw Casanova and then made a stop at Super Target on the way out. It was good quality time and I got to get myself organized by buying good snacks and school supplies. I finally got a 3-hole punch, which makes my life ten billion times better! The state of my organization is a reflection of the state of my stress levels.

I get sad when people go away. It takes me a few minutes to compose myself and resituate myself with my surroundings. I got sad when Mom and Dad and Jill and Charlotte went away because I had so much fun with them and I got to be with them (and Kate) all over christmas break and now I only get to see them in little bits until summer break. But then I'll see them for a few weeks and go away for a long long time for Cheerio. I am happy that I am here, and I miss my family of course, I just get a little overwhelmed by the missing when it's the instant after they have left. My tired-ness exacerbates the missing, of course, so that doesn't make it any better. But now I am in the moment and am glad to get this semester rolling.

oh the traumas of the adult life

I am not good at being an adult. First of all, I hate talking on the phone. I hate setting up appointments and figuring things out on the phone because I am not a good phone talker and I make things really awkward. I also don't like setting up appointments in general. And figuring things out for myself. (practical things, that is. outside of school)

Case in point: I had to get new glasses here in Chapel Hill. I found the eye place, I picked out some cute frames... all was going smoothly. Then, I had to figure out insurance information and call the guy at the eye place back. Instead of going right back in once I figured out the information, I called him back later. Several phone calls and minor misunderstandings later, they finally figured out my insurance information so I could get the deals. Then I had to choose lenses. Fed up at this point, and not wanting to walk all the way back up to University Square to the place, I just did it over the phone. Bad idea. I didn't call my regular doctor to see what type of lenses I currently have, and just decided to wing it. I went for the cheaper (although thicker) kind because I figured my vision wasn't that bad and it wouldn't be that thick and I am very stingy and don't like to spend a lot of money sometimes. My mom knows this, so after the deed was done she called me out on it-- asking if I really wanted the thin ones but just got the thick ones because they were cheap. I said that it didn't really matter to me. Haha... I tried to trick myself. After some investigation to find out that my current lenses are the thin kind, and that I really did want to change my mind, I called the eye place only to figure out that my glasses had already been sent off. It's out of my hands and now I must wait until I get a new prescription to get thinner lenses.

I guess it serves me right for being so sketchy like I always am. I hate it when I know I'm being sketchy but there's almost nothing I can do about it. One of these days I'll be better at appointments, and then I'll be able to reap the rewards. I mean, I really don't care because I'm not looking at my glasses, and they'll probably be cute anyway, and maybe if they're thick they'll motivate me to wear my contacts more often. At least the frames are cute... I've got that taken care of. Oh me. Why am I so weird?? I'm okay. We'll see how I feel when I have the glasses in my hand...

memoirs of a geisha....

Was a good movie. I saw it with mom and dad tonight, instead of hanging out with MA friends. It seems that tonight was not my night for getting in touch with anyone my age in MA. Emmy is here in MA and I get to see her tomorrow! Yay!

I get jealous a lot. It's weird, and it's not an outright jealousy, it just lingers there-- like my random insecurities breed it or something. Most of the time I'm logical and can think things through and I forget my insecure thoughts, but late at night, they get blown out of proportion.

Right now, I just need to focus on thanking God for the wonderful new friends I have at Carolina that I am bonding with and whom I love so very much. I just start thinking that maybe people don't love me, but then I remember that of course they do. I wish I wasn't so hung up on getting satisfaction from all that. If there's one thing that I want to take from Passion, it is that I need to stop looking to people to fill the holes that He should be filling, you know? Passion has got me talking all "religious" and stuff, but I kinda like it. I feel weird integrating it into my language sometimes, like it's too cheezy or something, but really, it's a part of my thoughts and that's what this thing is for anyway-- my thoughts. Haha, I'm getting defensive about my thoughts to myself... weird how I do that sometimes.

Oh yeah-- I forgot to explain what Passion is! It was a conference in Nashville that was so amazing. We worshipped, heard speakers, met in small groups, went to breakout sessions, and grew and revitalized our faith a little bit. I went with Stephanie and Julia and Abby, and it was so much fun. Tay Ray Pony was there, too, but I didn't see him a ton b/c he was with a different group and in a different hotel. My favorite thing, if I had to choose, was the worship. 18,000 people in one place all praising God is pretty amazing.

So I had fun, and I am happy, and my goal is to stop being so insecure at night. (If you've been following my blog, I think you might've noticed a trend that the insecure stuff happens at night and when I have too much time for introspection )

Happy New Year!

What a great way to start off the new year! I got to spend the first day with my two favorite families and my own family, playing games and generally having a fun time! The Sumner's and Leathers' came over to play an assortment of games and have dinner and play more games and joke around and play more games and more games and more fun and it was just great! So many games and so much fun. We ended up playing Cranium, Catch Phrase, Trivial Pursuit, and Farkel. The night was capped off by Eric Leathers having to chew up a chap stick for like 30 seconds. Fun times, for sure. I love being silly and loud and insane. Even though I was accused of cheating on multiple occasions, and I apparently can't keep from talking after everyone's answer in Catch Phrase, I still love playing those games.

Now I'm excited about making a road trip with my new favorite girls to Nashville, TN for the Passion conference. I'm really excited about bonding and learning and having an all around amazing experience. Yay! So that's also fun.

Ok, I'm so tired and have to get up early for the road trip tomorrow, so I will sign off this first post of the year saying that I'm excited that my blog has made it all the way to 2005. It's been a long one, and I'm excited about it. 2006 holds, along with other marvelous things, the 3rd anniversary of the beginning of this blog. I'm getting excited! This post is crazy because I'm so hyper and a little bit ADD and my back hurts for some reason and I'm typing really fast and making a lot of mistakes. Sounds like it's bedtime for me!

sweet like candy to my soul... sweet you rock and sweet you rollll

Some days I feel like getting out of this house, but on days like today, I just want to sit around and not really do anything at all. The only time I ventured out was to go with kate to get a spiced chai latte (which was GLORIOUS) and chat, and then I came right back and kept on doing nothing. It's really fun. I'm not sure if my family appreciates it as much, though, because my stir-crazy self kicks in. I was playing around with salt and pepper on my dinner plate, I kept asking mom why "deal or no deal" wasn't coming on (as well as asking if every tv show that came on was deal or no deal, like this "IS THIS ONE DEAL OR NO DEAL?? YAYAYAYAY! oh, guess not.") I just feel a little crazy sometimes. Mom thinks it's funny. I like days when I could go the whole day in my p.j.'s. The only reason I'm not wearing them now is because Kate made me get dressed. Silly Kate.

Being home for Christmas after only one semester of college is a little weird. I mean, it's fun, but it almost feels like I never moved away. I have no school work, and no car, and I am hanging out with my high school buddies like it's summer again. The only difference is that we all have our new groups of friends waiting for us when we get back. I think it's kind of cool. How does that quote go? We can grow separately without growing apart. We're already a little bit more mature than we were in high school, and even the most immature of us can see how silly high schoolers can be.

Well I'm off to bed. Adios, amigos!

a dragonfly can fly backwards as fast as it can fly forwards.

That is just amazing! I got that from the book that Erchica gave to me for Christmas. It's my kind of book. I found it funny that the first fact I read from the book was one that I already knew! That just goes to show you that I use "incredibly useless facts" on an everyday basis. It says that this book (titled Bla Bla) is "something to talk about when you have nothing else to say." Seriously, I always have something to say, but usually because I'm already chock-full of these silly facts. They are great conversation starters. YAY THANKS, ERIKA! I LOVE THIS BOOK. The end.

merry Christmas!!!

I love this day. I hope you love it too. Other things I love are Christmas songs in general, but "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" especially. I really really love the version by Sixpence None the Richer. That's a band that I really like. Them and the Goo Goo Dolls. They have a really cool Christmas song out, too. I somehow just recently realized my love for both of those bands. They're just good.

Among my Christmas presents is the Freaks and Geeks complete series set. I watched the first episode, and I'm really excited about having it. It's just a good show. Another Christmas present worthy of noting is the hat given to me by Kate. Hats usually don't fit me and I end up getting depressed at the gargantuousness of my head. This hat, however, is different and fits me and looks cute!! Now my head can be warm when walking to class. Yay! All of my presents were very good. I like this "quality vs. quantity" outlook that my family seems to be tending towards. I guess it's part of us getting older. I think my disillusionment stage is over, and now I can accept Christmas for what it is now instead of how it usually was in the past.

I have missed blogging. I know it's been few and far between, but I think that's a part of me not being settled yet. Or being in college. Who knows. All I know is that I enjoy writing random commentary on parts of my life, but I don't know how frequent it's going to be. Of course I won't give this old thing up, because it is a part of my life that I love. I'm so sentimentally attatched to a blog. Being attatched to an electronic collection of my thoughts seems funny when I think about it, but I am. And now I think I'm rambling.

Once again, merry Christmas! I hope you had a day full of joy and fun and fellowship with your family. I did, and it was fun. Next is the new year!!! Yay for 2006!

aaaaaaaand i'm back.

I've resurfaced from exam week with hardly a scratch to be seen. I got all A's (with a few A minuses sprinkled in for extra flavor), with an overall GPA of 3.86. Not too shabby for my first semester of college at Carolina, if you ask me. Yay!

Now that Christmas break is in full swing, all I really want to do is sleep. Forever. Somehow I haven't been able to sleep past 9:00 yet since I've been home. That streak will hopefully end tomorrow.

Wow. I wanted to write but I'm entirely too tired. Just jotting down a note to let you know that I'm still alive.

xoxo
emma

umm, wow.

I have not updated in 10 days, and for that I apologize. Finals week has taken over my life. I didn't know it would be this bad! I have not yet succumbed to the ever-popular Aderol or caffeine highs. I have had 2 exams already and have my last one tomorrow at noon. The hardest was last Saturday (yuck! the day after classes ended!), then the next hardests was on Tuesday, and now the easiest is on Friday. They've been successively easier, which made me very very happy.

So now I'm going to go study Sociology. Soon it will be Christmas break!!! Happy Holidays!

brrrrrrrrrrrrr

Today it was so cold! Except in Chapel Hill it isn't snow weather. Well poopy.

Let me just tell you, I look hilarious in my cold-rain attire. Starting from the bottom, here we go:

• Blue/purple striped rainboots from Target. They are so great because they are warm and they don't get wet on the inside! I can stomp through all the puddles while others have to walk around them so their New Balance's don't get squishy. Silly New Balances.Those people should invest in rainboots.
• Jeans. Ok, that's the normal part. But they were tucked into the rainboots, which looked hilarious in my opinion.
• Big L.L. Bean Jacket. It's big and purple and fun.
• White mittens from Target. Mittens just look funny on people. I'm not exactly sure why, but they do.
• A headband/ear-warming thing from Target. It makes me look funny. Especially because nobody else walking around seems to be as bundled up as I am. I checked the weather, and it was cold, and getting colder! 37 degrees is clearly wintry weather.
• My UNC umbrella. I bought it today because my raincoat normally gets soaked through, walking all the way up from South Campus in the pouring rain and all.

I know this outfit might not seem so ridiculous, but when I get inside, it just gets funnier. Everyone is already settled and I look like I'm bustling in out of the arctic. Silly me.

I want it to snow already! yay snow!!!

hark the sound...

I am pretty much in love with the Carolina Basketball team. I wasn't really a fan at all before I came here-- the only school spirit I had was a little bit because I knew I would be coming here. Now I could explode with the stuff. I love watching basketball! I love knowing everything about the players. I didn't even know I was a sports fan until I came here. I made it a goal of mine to really pay attention to the games so I could talk basketball fluently with people who I already knew were fans. It's amazing. We just beat Kentucky, which really made my day. They're ranked #10 while we aren't even ranked! (because we are such a young team)

The basketball players' celebrity is also weird for me because I say that I like them in the same way that I like Jake Gyllenhaal or something. It's weird for me, then, when I see them on campus and remember that they're my age and there isn't as huge of a barrier for my getting to know them. It freaks me out a little. Like, I don't like Tyler Hansbrough because he's hot, but mainly because I randomly decided to make him my favorite player. It's also hard to pick a favorite player because they are all so wonderful at their own things.

Carolina fans are so crazy that they will wake up ridiculously early in the morning to stand outside in the freezing cold to get basketball tickets. I was at the Dean Dome this morning at 6:45 am to sign in with my bracelet, then I left and slept for like 3 hours in my dorm room, and then came back to stand in line to get 2 nose-bleed tickets to the Miami game. That was all they had left because my bracelet number was like 3,000 off the Magic Number. That's why I hate lotteries-- I never win. But it's all good. I'm sure I can find good tickets somewhere at some point. Who knows.

So, yeah. Go Tar Heels!!!

hmm

I was going to write a long post overanalyzing feelings, but I realized that I just wanted to get a basic thing down on my blog so that I could just move on and forget about it.

It's weird when you think you knew someone so well and then all of a sudden you change things, and then it's weird from then on. As if the friendship never happened. Do they ever think about how it used to be? It's not like the fact that we aren't "friends" anymore cancels out all that we knew about each other at one point.

Weird. Those feelings are interesting. I thought I was weird for thinking those thoughts, as if my thinking them indicated that I wasn't over the situation. I am completely over it in the sense that I know it will never go back to the way it was, and now that I've grown as a person I wouldn't want things to go back. I don't know. I just think about it sometimes.

I guess this is just me dealing with things. I knew it had to happen some time.

It happened.

I turned into a college student! As of right now, I have $7.61 in my checking account, I just finished my homework that is due at 2:00, I'm about to take a nap in the library, and I wasted a ridiculous amount of time on Facebook last night when I should've been sleeping. I never thought I'd see the day! Here are the reasons why I thought I could escape the stereotype.

1) I am good with money. I would always have about $100 padding in my checking account so that it was there if I really needed it, and I wouldn't have to worry about overdrawing. Somewhere along the line, that $100 disappeared and now I wait until my allowance comes in to spend money. I could always put the $100 buffer back in, but now, being a college student, I'd probably just spend it on random stuff and then my savings account would slowly drain away like my checking. I'm still good at budgeting my money, and I always have a good idea of how much I have in my account and what I should be spending it on. I've actually become a better judge of when to spend money, and I don't do it as frivolously as before.

2) Even though I am the worst procrastinator in the world, I still get things done the day before so that I'm not so stressed out before the class. But that was just High School. Now I add in time right before the class to get work done. The concept was pretty foreign to me at first, but now it seems normal.

3) Ok, the nap might not actually materialize, but I never thought I'd be this big of a proponent of the library. I mean, it's great. Its walls hold many important works that should help me in my studies, and it provides a good atmosphere conducive to studying, but I always thought I could just do my work in my room. Not so, my friends. At home, perhaps my room could double as a study room. Not at college. It's almost impossible for me to get any good work done in my room. I don't have any desk space and there are far too many distractions. I came a lot to do Chem Lab, it's really good for that. And when I need to just get work done in a big chunk, being at the library is a real help. Who knew?

4) When I first got Facebook, I wondered how people could find it so addicting. I mean, it's just a bunch of profiles and once you've seen your friends' once, you don't need to see it again. Oh boy. That was before Facebook did pictures and before I discovered Facebook stalking. Webshots is a huge facet of the appeal of AOL, and the fact that it is now in such a convenient form is quite awesome. Or horrible. Depending on how you look at it. It's like webshots to the extreme! Facebook stalking is also amazing, finding people and how you know them and trying to figure out everything about people you meet or who are in your class. And then there's wall writing. Lets just say that I never expected it to reach this level, but I am definitely addicted to facebook.

So, yeah. I'm a stereotypical college student. The funny thing is, I love it. Absolutely love it. I've been looking forward to this all through high school, and now it's here and I'm soaking up every minute of it. Every lovely detail of college is my favorite. It's hard to explain some parts of it, but I just love it. I was made for college. Yay! Even though I'm stressed because of exams, I am surrounded by tons of people, some of which are amazing, and the others of which I don't even have to care about. And then after that, I get to go home and hang out with no worries whatsoever until spring semester, and then I go back to the stereotype (this time with better classes). Woo! I'm going to rest my eyes a bit before my 2:00 class now. Zai Jian!

Tests stress me out more than just plain work. If I have a certain quantity of work that can be measured and has to be done by a certain date, I can do it. If I just have to study until I know something, I always stop before I should. Umm, so yeah. I want it to be Christmas already.

i am thankful for:

my wonderful old friends who love me
the lovely new ones i'm making
my family who loves me
my health
my life
goldfish & gushers
being able to go to a wonderful university to learn
having all five senses so that i can fully appreciate everything in the world that God put out there for me to enjoy
having a bright future ahead of me full of so much that i can't even imagine yet
wonderful food to eat and stuff my belly with on fun days like this
soft sheets
and so so much more!

thank you, God! it's amazing and i love it. all of it!

Oh sweet release!

I hate assignments that involve more than me just researching and finishing things on my own. I'm talking about ones like this one for Enst 35 that has been a huge weight on my shoulders for so long. Part of the assignment includes conducting an interview with someone in the North Carolina Forestry world who knows about invasive species. I hate having to actually talk to people. I feel stupid! But worst of all, I hate having to constantly worry about reaching someone, sending out countless emails and leaving countless messages, sounding like a complete and stupid idiot on the phone... I just hate feeling inferior and interviews make me feel inferior. I just talked to this guy for an interview, and he said he'd answer my questions and give me good links for research which made me really happy. It is a HUGE weight off my shoulders. But then I found out that Andy is interviewing him too. Silly Andy. So there's another guy but I need to think of hardcore questions to ask him to get the full potential out of the interview. I guess I'm learning how to be an adult and apply my learning instead of just choking and puking, but I'm so good at choking and puking. Poo. I hate feeling stupid. And I don't kwow why, but I just felt stupid for doing these interviews. My Environment class makes me feel stupid. Great. But I actually do feel like I'm learning, which is a new and welcome experience. I don't know. I just want this case study interview to be over. I was polite and probably sounded intelligent, it's just my first ever interview and I feel like the guys I'm interviewing can tell. I kept emailing within the department, and they probably were talking like "We should probably stop ignoring that stupid girl so that she'll stop sending us her emails." But maybe they think I'm nice and feel sorry for me. I don't know. I just want to have easy classes like math and chemistry and geology. Not classes that I need to apply critical thinking skills. Haha, just kidding. But really. It's so stressful and all I want to do is sleep forever. Christmas break can't come soon enough.

rah rah carolina-lina

This whole "college" thing is starting to sink in. It's starting to get past the stage in which everything is new, and I'm actually starting to believe that I'm going to be here for four more years. This is the beginning of my future. This is where I'll get all the knowledge I'll need to be a functioning member of society. It feels good to start thinking for myself. I think it's all sinking in because I'm realizing more and more that the life in MA doesn't involve me anymore. I mean, it's a little depressing, but not that much. Like, this weekend, I had a schedule all to myself that was completely different than my sisters' at home. I know it's been like that ever since I've gotten here, but I feel like I'm entering that part where I don't know what they're doing and they don't know what I'm doing. It's my independent life now. It's just weird that I'm consciously recognizing it happening. Ok, enough weirdness.

This weekend was fun! Friday night I went with the College Life kids to Chili's and then some of us went and hung out in Allan's room for a bit. It was fun, but I was tired and had to peace out early. Then yesterday I went to the football game and the basketball game. We lost by a field goal in overtime at the football game and that was so depressing. But we won the basketball game by like 30 so that was un-depressing. It was good to sit down at the basketball game after standing up for like forever at the football game. And I like basketball a lot. I got to see big ol' Tyler Hansbrough dunk... and get intentionally fouled by this guy from Catawba. He was a jerk. I felt so bad for Tyler when he was on the ground! It looked like it hurt. The announcer had to calm the crowd down when we kept booing the guy that fouled him later on in the game. "Number 44 made a mistake, let it go..." It made me laugh a little bit. So, that was fun. Then I came back to the room and chilled out and went to bed early so that I could survive waking up for the early service of church today. 8:10 is very early to leave for church. But I survived.

I'm sad that I missed the boat on the best concerts this year. First Coldplay, then Nickel Creek last night. I love those bands! Too bad I didn't know about them. I have to get better at concert-spotting. There will come a good concert that I will be able to see... one of these days.

Ok, now it's off to my 3rd Carolina sporting event of the weekend-- a soccer game. What a fan I've become!

83 degrees on november 9th? amazing.

So today I got new jeans. "Hot pants" if you will. No more is Emma Refvem a one-jeaned girl. I have two pairs. This drastically expands my wardrobe, so that I don't have to wear swetpants every day of the week to "save" my jeans for the weekends. I believe that reflects more on my lazy clothes-washing habits than on my lack of clothing, but whatev. I like having new jeans. I need to break them in. I love a good pair of jeans, most definitely.

You know what else I love? Emails from long-lost best friends. That's right-- I recieved one from Emmy today! Emmy Christina Albrecht Tedder. My long lost love. I miss that kid so much and it's good to hear that she hasn't disappeared off the face of the earth. She's a cool kid.

I also love being silly. I got to do a lot of that at Windy Gap this past weekend. I was a baker in the kitchen with Ms. Amy Stelling and we had a fun fun time. We braided bread! I got burnt on my arm from the cookie sheet! (it's okay because the cookies were good and i enjoy scars.) It was amazing. Windy Gap this time was a time for bonding with and loosening up around my new College Life friends. As our time in College Life goes on, I love it more and more. It was different to be on work crew instead of with the other kids or as a leader, but the adjustment taught me some lessons about what being a leader is all about. It's going to be a fun growing experience.

It's too bad that I procrastinate a lot at school because all I really want to do is start reading novels again. I bought "Life of Pi" and I absolutely cannot wait to start reading it. It looks quite interesting. I miss the thrill of being in someone else's mind for the short amount of time I spend reading the book. I feel like I can add those experiences to my own and it feels nice. So I can't wait to get all caught up on schoolwork.

The weather has been beautiful and really warm for November, and my mood has lifted along with the increments on the thermometer. Just another validation of the fact that I probably have Seasonally Affected Depression. When this cold snap comes, I'll probably get a little bit depressed. But that is also exacerbated by my sucky schedule. I want it to be next semester. I like the classes that I will have. More my style of classes.

Speaking of classes, I must study chinese. Zai jian, folks! (that means goodbye)

i am sad because both of my kitties died while i was away at college.

someone please save us, us college kids

I apologize for slacking on my blogging as of late. I find my time occupied by class, studying, hanging out, sleeping, and FACEBOOK. Oh the facebook will be the death of me. I'm trying to curb my addiction-- we'll see how that goes.

So Halloween was... an experience. It was fun to see all the costumes-- the most memorable to me were the phonebooth and characters from Bill & Ted's excellent adventure and tetris pieces. There were more, but I forgot them. There was an abundance of Anchorman crews (one of which I was a member-- Veronica Corningstone) and Team Zissous and facebooks and quailmen, which were all funny. I saw a few iPod commercials too (bright posterboard behind them, black clothes, an iPod, it was cute). All in all, however, a sober Franklin Street was quite sketchy. Being around so many drunk people was crazy. Haha, drunk people. I had interesting conversations with drunk people that night, I got knocked over by one, and also decided to "escort" one around. A hilarious situation arose from one of the conversations, though the person involved in the situation may or may not have any idea. It was also cool to see so many people from my high school/county. Everyone comes to Chapel Hill for halloween! The bad thing about Halloween was the aftermath. I got a solid 5 hours of sleep that night, and had to go to my 8:25 class that morning. Lets just say that I don't function well at all on 5 hours (being accustomed to 8 and all), and was zoned out the entire day. To top it all off, I had to spend every extra moment in the Library to work on my Lab Report. I finally got the nap today that I'd been looking forward to all week, since I didn't have time before. Craziness. The pictures were priceless, though. As the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words.

I am going to Windy Gap this weekend and can't be more pumped about it! We're going to ride down there in Nan's Durango and jam out to a mix I've just thrown together, complete with some oldies jams to dance around to. We've started a mini girl's bible study that is quite reminiscent of The Setup. We haven't named it yet, but I'm working on it. It's going to be very fun! I really enjoy fellowship like that. We all get each other and can grow from each other and it's just gonna be good. Besides that, Windy Gap is going to be amazing just because it's Windy Gap! I don't have to worry about registering (because of the lovely Meredith Bryson who's taken up that responsibility for me) and I will let myself forget about homework. That's a good sign.

So, college. It's going well. I'm learning how to handle myself, and learning a few things about myself, and learning some cool stuff in classes, too. Like Chinese. Who knew? I've learned that I don't enjoy putting clothes away. My parents have always known this, only now I realize it's importance. I've learned that I am really interested in Environmental Studies class, but I've found myself to be a slacker in it. For no particular reason. It's just a bit of a time management issue, but at least I like it! I might get a B in it, but I'm okay with that because I know that I love it and I know that I'm learning and I know that grades don't define my life. That's a bit of a slacker point of view, but I'm quite tired of caring about GPA. I think this class is my form of "sticking it to the man"-- the "man" being GPA. I don't need to get into a school before graduating, and I'm not planning on going to graduate school immediately after college, and I don't even know where I'm headed in the future. Really, the reason I'm okay with having a B is because I realize that I got off to a bad start. I think I need to get this out of the way so that I get back into the groove. Once this class is over, hopefully my itch to rebel will be out of my system. I might not even get a B, I might get an A! I did do extra credit and I do relatively well on my recitation grades. We'll see. I'm just resigned to the grade in that class.

It feels good to blog. I forgot the feeling, which is sad. I've had this thing for so dang long, it's almost insane. Haha, weird. Ok. Now I'm going to pack for WG. Adios, amigos!