you know what sucks?

one-ply toilet paper.

On to other things, steel wool is a very interesting thing. I mean, seriously. Who thought of it? And who were the geniuses at Brillo or wherever that decided to also add soap? I bet one guy in the olden days was tired of scraping baked on veal off of his pots so he got his blacksmith friend to give him his extra metal shards which he had his wife weave together so he could clean his pots more thorougly. Little did he know that his simple idea would catch on and dishes-doers everywhere would employ the use of this tool to scrape off rice from pans. The problem with steel wool is that it rusts. One barely gets enough use out of the small pad before it rusts away and one must replace it with another from the box. I actually just keep using the rusty ones, I just choose to ignore the rust. Just like I'll eat a moldy piece of bread if I cut off the mold first. It's really not that bad. This is coming from the least germophobic person you know. I think my lack of concern for germs is what gives me a good immune system. So even if I did get rust on my dishes, it wouldn't phase me. Though that is helped by the shot they gave me in the arm in 6th grade for Tetanus. I knew those things would come in handy one of these days.

P.S.- envelopes officially taste ridiculously bad. just in case you didn't already know.

I don't feel like writing a lot.

I like the smell of skunk.

Weird, I know.

But, still.

are you sirius?

Today is the kind of day on which even the wind blowing in my windows on my face annoys me. After coming to the realization that my high school days truly are coming to an end, and after realizing that I have to keep working on that silly speech for which I lost motivation already, and after lamenting on the fact that yearbook signings are great but then get old after reading them a billion times trying to recapture old feelings, and after staring at a dead pig for an hour and a half, I just got a little depressed. It is as if there was some sort of drug in the food at Shikora Express. I definitely feel drugged. All that condensed air must have had some effect on my health because I also feel kinda cruddy. Yearbooks make me sad because I realize how many good friends I have. One wouldn't normally associate this realization with being sad, but for some unrationalizable reason, I was sad. I also get sad when I think about leaving these friendships behind. MAHS will go on without me. I just need to remember that there is a natural uncertainty when in a transition phase. We are uncertain of what lies ahead, so we cling to what is familiar and what makes us happy right now. I certainly am, at least. One familiar thing that will make the transition much easier is that lovely place we like to call Cheerio. Seriously, how much am I looking forward to this summer? A ridiculous amount. So, yeah. I need a nap but I think I'll just go to bed early or something.

this is unexpected.

I would be the last one to expect me to be thinking like this, but whoa. I have 4 days left of my high school career. I am graduating. Just the mere thought makes me tingly.

I am sad. I like hanging out with people, and this always happens to me right before I'm leaving a place. I start hanging out with more people and I wish that I could stay forever to keep hanging out with the cool people I've met. Some small part of me wishes, despite the suckiness of high school, that I could stay for a little while longer. If all school were like these last two weeks without work or responsibilities, I would enjoy it so much and never want to leave. I am also sad because the class of 2005 will never be all together like this again. Spontaneous hangouts with these folks won't happen because we're all going off into our new lives. The senior trip was the epitome of great high school hanging out. Everybody was there, practically. We all set aside most of the petty annoyances and just hung out. I sure am a sucker for hanging out.

I am happy. My whole life is ahead of me- many new excitements and adventures and down times and boring times and so much more are awaiting me around this next huge corner. Cheerio is coming up and then college with my favoritest friends and so many new people to meet. So I'm more excited than I am depressed. Because I like all of my MA friends, but I'm not ridiculously attached to anyone here. I have my good friends, but they've made it easy enough to be okay with leaving. And of course I'll make visits to people because visiting is so much fun.

the phone isdead: yea, it's kind of werid
the phone isdead: *weird
the phone isdead: but really exciting. the way i figure it, hey, we had a good run. if i never see you again, i enjoyed it. i hope you have a great rest of your life and are successful in all that you do. let's move on.
the phone isdead: the proverbial "you"

here's lookin at you, kid.

The sad thing about senior year is that it is a year of lasts. My most recent last was my last piano lesson, which took place yesterday. It is an odd thing- leaving something that has been a part of your life for so long. I've taken paino for at least 10 years. That's 10 years' worth of wednesday afternoons at Mrs. Paul's house that are now officially in the past. 10 years' worth of forgetting to do my theory homework and "facing the music" when I didn't practice. Mrs. Paul and I have been through a lot. She can tell when I've not practiced, and when I'm in a bad mood and don't feel like playing well. She knows my potential and knows that I have good fingers for trills and huge chords and that I can handle odd rythyms. I've been going to her since I was a tiny third grader whose hands could barely stretch to reach an octave, and look at me now. My hands can stretch a few notes over an octave and I am a big 12th grader. She knows that I have to hear a song before I can play it properly, as opposed to my sightreading sisters. Hmm. So it was sad for me to say goodbye to the regularity. Now I have decided that I want to keep playing piano on my own. I want to have a piano in my house and be able to sit down and play songs that I like when I have my own home someday. I want my kids to be able to grow up hearing the piano being played (because I certainly will be making them take lessons when they're able). Playing songs relaxes me. Plus, I can't just let all of these years go to waste.

I think I'm going to go play some piano.

"emma, isn't this show about you?"

The best TV shows get cancelled after one season. The ratings-hungry networks don't want to invest the time to let the awesomeness of the show sink in. Freaks and Geeks is one such show. Full of character and insight and humor, the show was cancelled after the one glorious season. Now its silly comebacks will be forever immortalized in a DVD box-set owned by the few loyal fans gained before its untimely fall. While watching it today in Ms. Shelton's class, I longed for the days when good shows were on television. By good shows, I mean ones that weren't so full of themselves and didn't have to have boatloads of drama like on the ever popular OC, or tick-tock suspense like 24, or scandals and horrible singers like American Idol. Good shows make some insight into normal, everyday life. I think it has something to do with the lighting as well. The shows that haven't been as popular all have the same lighting. Hmm.

Some shows fall victim to the vanity of their stars, caught up in the possibility of greater stardom. Most celebrities don't want to be tied down to a sitcom and/or television show their whole lives, they want to branch out into the big screen. Case in point: Claire Danes on My So Called Life. That show was full of charm, but Claire felt like she could make a better career by leaving it in the dust. Ms. Danes, if only you knew how great the show could've been, if only you'd stayed a little bit longer.

Some shows fall victim to the unfortunate time slot in which they are placed. Joan of Arcadia is a show that I enjoy very much, but I'm honestly never home on Friday's at 8:00 anymore. If I am, it doesn't happen often enough for me to be involved with the show. CBS still hasn't moved the slot, though I wish they would change it to a weekday. I would certainly watch it religiously as I did when I didn't have a social life back when it first came on. Countless shows have been cursed by the evil time-slot, many of which I am not even aware.

But then the question arises: Are you so sure the show would've been as great had it stayed on the air? I honestly think that some shows fulfilled their purpose in the short spots they were aired. It's like a really long movie- a short glimpse into the lives of the characters, but not too much of a glimpse. The show was given just enough time to shine before we saw it burn out. Which is why I am sad that they are no longer airing these shows, but why I am so glad that I have the ability to purchase them on DVD and forever be able to partake in the wonderfulness.

i promise i'll post after my last AP exam is finally over, which is tomorrow.

3 exams down, 1 to go.

Florida is sunny. Also, I like taking pictures from underneath trees.

a change in direction

"With eyes wide open to the mercies of God, I beg you, my brothers, as an act of intelligent worship, to give him your bodies, as a living sacrifice, consecrated to him and acceptable by him. Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould, but let God remake you so that your whole attitude of mind is changed."
- Romans 12:1-3 (J.B. Phillips translation)

This was at the center of Cleve's talk at quest tonight, and it really hit home for me, especially now. A ton of things have been going on-- things are swirling around in my head and I'm having a hard time sorting them out. I've come to a few resolutions, and I am going to state them (or at least one) here.

My blog has strayed from its usual emotional connectedness. I avoid the deep, hard topics in favor of lighthearted ones that are easier to write. I want to go back to being true and forgetting my audience.

I don't like thinking about dating. I am not the dating type. I don't like knowing what is going on in other people's romantic lives. It depresses the hell out of me. I am more the marriage type. I know this will probably be hard to understand, but I don't think that I would want to date any guys at the maturity level which my peers are experiencing. I am not the "hooking up" kind of girl. I don't even know what that entails. So until boys stop searching for a "hook up," I will be enjoying my life without all the shallow drama. I want love, not lust. I am not made for lust. Nobody is, really. I just think that I want to be out of the relationship loop until the maturity level is right. It will give me so much time to focus on much more rewarding and fulfilling things. Dating is not where I find my fulfillment. That is not to say that I regret my dating past. I don't at all. If anything, it helped me a lot with my viewpoint. I don't have any regrets in my life at all up to this point, and that is something I'm proud of.

It's a really great thing when walls break down between friends and you can sit down and talk about true things to each other because you have trust in each other and just honestly need to share thoughts. It is quite liberating. A talk such as this led me to part of my previous semi-epiphany.

I'm not allowing comments so you guys can let my words and only my words soak in so you get the whole meaning from me.

i am a very crazy kind of person.

Sometimes I feel friendless. Sometimes I feel too emotional. Sometimes when I sit down to write down a friendless emotional blog, I get ideas for my valedictorian speech. What a weight off my shoulders. All I'm saying about it is that you guys will be excited to hear it. I'll make a draft to post after graduation if you can't make it or something like that. Get pumped.

So now back to teenager-ing. I just get really insecure when it comes to friends. I have a lot of them. I just don't have a place to fit in when they group off sometimes. Like none of them are strong enough to last through college or something. It's as if they will slowly fade into aquaintances in the future. I love hanging out with all of them, but once college comes, nobody will be all together in the same context. We will all have our separate lives weighing on us, and our separate futures streching out before us. I don't hang out anymore because I don't have anyone to do it with. I can't keep going down to Hickory to see Shmimms and my roomie for next year Megan all the time because I have stuff to do in town, but I would surely do it if I could. College is the place for me. It might not be all that I'm expecting, but surely it will be a place where I will make friends and they will be in close proximity to me. That's all I'm asking for. Basically, right now, I'm just depressed that I don't have any hang out friends because I'm going to bed early all emotional and with Death Cab stuck in my head. It'll leave me in one of those awesome/depressed moods all weekend.

Hmmph. I wanted to be in a poetic mood but all that poetic energy left when I decided to save my topic for the speech. Romantic comedies exacerbate my already crazy hormonal levels. Silly me.

Happy Earth Day!

I think this is the first time in my high school career that I've had a consistent amount of a lot of homework. I knew it would happen one of these days, and now that it has happened, I must say that I'm glad. Some days I do it all. Other days I just don't do it and somehow I skip by the homework checks and all that. The only thing about not doing homework is the guilt trips. Teachers are pretty good at that. As students are getting apathetic in response to the stress of AP exams, I'd say the teachers are getting angry. It's even getting to Mrs. Gray. I swear, every class keeps saying things like "wow, we only have like 2 weeks guys, it's getting down to the wire." The senior trip doesn't help much, but no teacher has been fully successful in guilting the seniors about it. We won't feel bad about going on this trip. It's only potential college credit.

Celebrate your earth! Recycle, reduce, reuse... and close the loop. That's how it goes. Don't shower as long. Carpool if possible. Turn off electronic devices when not in use. Don't drive hummers. Plant a tree. Go tree hugging. Things of this nature. Haha, nature.

a long post for your enjoyment.

And so. Seeing as how I haven't had a post of much substance in a while, I'll do a bit of updating. Main things that have been happening to me are stress-related. Teachers are becoming hardcore because AP exams are imminent, but I'm stepping up my game along with them. I don't mind doing a ton of Calculus problems. As long as I have the mindset to do that ton. The problem is finding the motivation. My battle with senioritis has been a tough one up to this point, and it's not getting any easier. I just lazy myself around all afternoon, wandering aimlessly around the internet, forgetting that I could be doing many more substantial things with my time. I hate having things looming over my head, like Rockafest. I just hate feeling guilty when things go wrong. I tried to shirk the responsibility onto Alex but it didn't work. Somehow the responsibility got shirked on me last year in full force, but I can't do it myself to anyone else. I'm not a good delegator. Stupid ENTJ personality- always trying to take charge and do things for myself. But it will be over next week and there will be a concert involved. Any time a concert is involved with things, it makes it ten times less annoying. It's like the dessert after suffering through... some bad meal. (back in the old days I would've said Chile Verde- the kind my mom makes- but I like it now. silly tastebuds.)

Speaking of concerts, the Jump concert was the best thing that's happened to me in like forever. Ok, that's exaggerating a lot, but what can you do. Seriously. The opening act- Ross Golan and Molehead- was really cool. Rap rock. We all thought it was Matt from J,LC at first, but it was just Ross. I met him after the show. Maybe he was just really nice, or really liked me, or was drunk, or all three, but I liked him. It's fun meeting artists. Because they like meeting fans. If I didn't have a curfew, it would've been nice to stay and chat w/ J,LC. Ciest la vie. So, yeah. Then Jump came on and I was ridiculously excited. Because this is the first band I've seen where I heard their CD and memorized the words before seeing them in concert. Holy cow. Jay's voice just melts into your ears. And Matt's awesome stage presence and multi-instrumental skills are just that- Awesome. And then there's way cool Ward. And then there's Johnny and Evan- the lovable geeks. When "Mexico" came on, I just absorbed the energy and loveliness of the song and was the happiest I've been in a long time in that moment. It was inarticulately great. Not overwhelming or overrated, just simple and happy.

The thing that made the concert fun, too, was the atmosphere. Jump fans are friendly. Govies are lovely. MA people are chill and great. Hanging with Jill and Brett and Brad on the way down was fun. Even though my back hurt from carrying my purse all day and I had to lean on Randy and Zack and feel like a Grandma when I kept having to sit down, it was still fun. The music was just as good when I couldn't see it. I wasn't tired, though I'd been up for a while and school had exhausted me, I was just happy. I wasn't overanalyzing anything or thinking about the future or about the past, I was living in the moment.

I'm gushing about things and you guys are probably bored and probably stopped reading and aren't even reading this right now, but I just had to express my happiness. Other events that went on this weekend included my trip to Carolina. In short, it was a good immersion process- I got to get a small taste of what next year will be like and I liked it. I saw a random Cheerio friend (Lucy Page) in the class I visited, and hung out with Seg and Frances, and talked to some students and a professor about the academic part. It was a good experience. A college day well spent. There was also a Slushie and Sugar Glyder concert on Saturday, which I attended after earning $17 at a babysitting job. It rocked. I purchased new shirts from both bands. The new Slushie song is quite good.

Sorry. This post was too long. I need to post more regularly so I don't mush it all into one hard-to-digest post. But, yeah. So this weekend was good. Life is good, albeit busy.

numba one spot

My work has paid off. I am officially making a speech at the 2005 MAHS graduation as the Valedictorian. No longer will I have to worry if I made a 95.5 or a 95.45 and how much of an impact it would have on my standings. No longer will I have to totally freak out when I have a bad grade. Whether it was because of APMT or not, I have retained my number one status all throughout my high school career, and it is something of which I am proud. Now I have to worry about making my speech terse and entertaining and memorable. I'll worry about that after AP exams. I'll get input from everybody and try to make it the best I can. Who knows how it'll be. Only time will tell. Haha, I'll get really far if I use cliches like that in my speech. ell oh ell.

Any ideas?

separation anxiety.

where is my brother willy?
i miss mi coche billy.
will took my car,
and went very far-
now doesn't that seem kinda silly?

internal conflict.

My feelings are all over the place these days. All of them are strange and they're all mixed together. The good ones overwhelm my body and then the bad ones come and try to take over but then I remind myself of the good ones again. It all equals out to a really interesting balance. I don't have just one thing sucking in all of my energy, it's equally balanced between two or three or four extremes. Nothing requires immediate action or all of my attention, so it is easy to separate out my time. I have more schoolwork, but I allow myself more time to do it. I have to crack down on my piano playing for recital, but I just practice. I like watching some TV every once in a while, and so I set aside time to do it. I dunno. It feels nice.

The warm weather helps a lot too. Not the hot stuff, or the cold stuff. Just the springy warm stuff. It's fun.

a little post to let you know i'm still alive. hehe. just a bit swamped with other things and thoughts.

playgrounds are funnn

Folks: Yesterday, I made history. For the first time in my life, I did a pullover on the pullup bar! It was crazzyyyy. Back in Elementary school (when it was still called Elementary school), I'd always have to get people to push me over and/or spot me. Not tonight, guys. I did it all by my lonesome, with my own muscles! It pumped me up so much.

So, yeah. Instead of YL, we played on the playground at J. J. Jones. It was tons of fun, especially bringing back all the old memories. It's weird how a place can do that to you. I remembered lining up on the slide. And then it reminded me of how I pictured the slide in "The Giver" as the one on our playground. I guess that's another blog to write about- how I picture things in books from my own memories and stuff.

I like swinging and taking pictures. Though it's hard to take pictures while people are swinging, I like doing that, too.

This blog should've been better. But it wasn't. I'm sorry. I've let you down.

Haha, "you." I never picture my audience whilst writing these posts. I feel like it ruins my integrity or something. I have a "blogger" person in my head that I write to. Like another facet of my personality.

I'm weirding myself out. I'm too scatterbrained. I need to go read some Faulkner.

lucky me!

Best thing ever happened today.

Let's start from the beginning.

Saturday night, I babysat. In the midst of a windstorm the likes of which hasn't been seen in any place I've been at any time in my life. Typically, when I get my money, I quickly stuff it in my pocket or purse or in my pants somehow. Quickly, so I don't get embarassed-- under the table dealings and all. That night was no exception. The only abnormal part in my departure was my trek across their lawn to retrieve my sweatshirt that was still in the house. It was a hasty trek, so the loss of my money was somewhat inevitable. I didn't realize that my money was not there until a thorough search of my (quite messy) car. I immediately did what any self-respecting, somewhat poor high school girl would do-- I took my sister's car back over there to sneak around their lawn to see if my money was there. When I thought I'd lost the money forever and it must be somewhere in my car, I went back home and searched the Corolla once again, to no avail. I then took Kate's car back to their house because I thought I'd look again and maybe it would be easier this time. I think at this point, I was somewhat crazy. Once again, my search was futile. And the dog started barking. I gave up and sunk into fits of despair over the loss of potential music (that I could've bought with the moolah). After telling people of my misfortune and lamenting over how much I wanted to punch the wind in AP Bio, I gave up most of my hope.

Most is the key word in this sentence. While on my way back from purchasing gas in Cana at a rate 13 whole cents cheaper than North Carolina prices, I decided to stop by the house and just check to see if it might be somewhere. I noticed a hill, the height of which did not allow for the dispersal of my money to the great beyond. I saw other trash in its slopes and I got my hopes up, since the wind was blowing in the direction of the slope on Saturday night. But a suspicious man in a white SUV was looking very dubiously at me in my car, so I decided that I might as well give up. Mom offered to go back with me and stand guard against the skeptical parents, so I thought "What the eitch-ee-double-hockey-sticks... I'm going." And we did. I looked around the house first, because the money might have been stuck in a nook and/or cranny that my eyes previously skimmed over. When nothing was there, I moved to the hill. Mom was doubtful-- suggesting that a construction worker (since the house is in a new development, there are houses under construction) would certainly pick up any money lying around. I was beginning to finally lose all hope when, there it was-- poking out from the twigs of a shrub about 10 feet up on the hill-- my precious twenty dollar bill. With a shout of glee and giggles of joy, I informed my mother. She couldn't believe it. The chances were so slim! The only thing to do was look for the ten and five that I suspected would be nearby. Mom spotted the ten, lying in a puddle. Oh the glorious luck! Upon picking up the ten, my eyes wandered to another puddle, and what else could it be but the five. The set was complete!

I was overcome by a feeling of immense joy and I couldn't stop laughing for a while. I mean, what are the chances. Seriously. After two days, even! So, not only am I $35 richer, but one of my crazy shennanigans actually worked out! They usually don't. My hopes are usually dashed and I just go on living. My creepiness was rewarded. If that were a gated community, I'm sure I would've been arrested. Or at least forced to explain myself.

Go Heels!

Sea of Faces

by Kutless

I see the city lights all around me
Everyone's obscure
Ten million people each with their problems
Why should anyone care?

And in your eyes I can see...

I am not just a man vastly lost in this world
Lost in a sea of faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because You traded Your life for mine

Sometimes my life it feels so trivial
Immersed in the greatness of space
Yet somehow You still find the time for me
It's then You show me Your love

And in your eyes I can see...
And in your arms I will be...

I am not just a man vastly lost in this world
Lost in a sea of faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because You traded Your life for mine

If only my one heart
Was all You'd gain from all it cost
Well I know You would have
Still been a man with a reason
To willingly offer your life

I am not just a man vastly lost in this world
Lost in a sea of faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because You traded Your life for mine

Just one in a million faces

today.

When the sun shines in my window on these sunny- yet alarmingly cold- days, I am left to lie on my bed and ponder the meaning of life. I lie on my back looking up at my artificial night sky- remnants of my childhood obsession with things that glowed- that independently added enchantment to my seemingly boring, popcorn ceiling. My thoughts wander from the superficial to the ridiculously philosophical to the meaningless to the abstract. And then I am awakened sharply by the call of nature- my bodily systems and responsibilities bring me back to earth. I enjoy Saturdays like these. No responsibilities loom over my head because, for the first time in a long while, I know I will have the dedication to finish them all on time without any stress. And, despite events that loom over my head, I'm okay. I'm sitting here, pondering things, and I am okay. I'm confident in who I am and where I am going. I wander around the house in a state of content, bittersweet resignment. I tickle the ivories in a sort of detatched way- my fingers are moving and the notes are there and I can hear them but my thoughts are other places. I watch movies but don't have enough energy to invest myself in other people's lives, so I drift off into a restful nap. I wake up on my own time, rested and still in that lovely foggy state of mind that usually follows waking up. Tears of change lace my eyelids throughout the day, occasionally dropping in response to the knowing glance of my sweet, intuitive mother. Mostly, they stay at the edge, held in by the knowledge that they will soon not be needed. I walk barefoot out on the cold driveway, small signs of spring being crushed under my footsteps as I walk to check the post. What is in the mailbox? Nothing. But it's not a depressed nothing- it's the thoughtful kind of nothing. The kind that makes me look down the road at the beauty that lies past its tree-lined curves and sudden surprises. I look on and sigh. Future. What a silly thing to worry about. Today. That's all there is. My life is full of todays.

As my future draws near, and as my life begins to take shape, my mind starts acting in weird ways. I start getting an itch to be free of all restraints. I want my future to be here right now! I knew it would happen to me, because it's happened on a small scale throughout my life, but I think I've built up too many idealistic thoughts of what my life is going to be like and I bet there will be many disappointments if I try to keep to that path. But, then I start thinking that life would not be much fun if I had low aspirations. Isn't the whole point of having a youth all about reaching for lofty goals? I think so. Anyway. So I start wanting to spend as much of my youth discovering many nooks and crannies of life and the world before I have to settle down. And it's not like I have to settle down if I don't want to, but I think that's what I want to do once I've figured out enough of what life is all about that I can share it with someone and then teach my kids some of what I've learned. I don't want to follow the typical path that everyone takes without figuring things out on my own. Establishing myself somewhere, in something, so that I can be independent if I need to. I don't want to be driving my kids to soccer or something all the time before I've spent some time bonding with the world and seeing things from a different perspective. I feel like a lot of people just follow the rules and then get to the middle of their lives and realize that they wanted something more before they trapped themselves in.

For me, experiences are so much richer when I can just be caught up in experiencing them with no other cares. I don't think about savoring it, and I don't obsess over a trivial thing that I would regret later, when looking back on it. The best experiences are those which, of course, are wholly experienced in the moment.

Oh, I don't know what I'm talking about. Life is confusing.

i got into duke! w00t! my rival school. for what it's worth, i'm pumped. it's like i won some sort of contest. yipeee! [still going to carolina (just for clarity)]

peace corps!

yay future.

Whilst watching Trippin' last night on MTV, I was overwhelmed with an urge to travel. If I don't travel to remote places any time in my life, I will hate myself for it. Which is why I'm even more sure that I want to be an environmental scientist. It opens up so many opportunities for travel. I can see the world! I can help it in some way! I really like that show, too, because they seem so down to earth. There is no drama that goes along with regular reality TV shows, it's just like you get to see cool people go to really cool places and do really cool stuff. It makes me want to go camping really badly. Camping is so much fun. So is hiking! Oh, man. I can't wait for summer. Because I'll get to spend time outside, at least, and when we go to Hawaii I can try to go to more remote and less touristy places. That would be awesome. And I might get to see some animals. I love animals. I must go to the zoo this spring. Definitely.

charlotte, stop watching friends.

In homage to the last day of spring break, I will give you a little recap. It probably won't be too long, haha.

Friday, March 18
-Chess Club fun times after school.
-Hitch at Creekside w/ mi madre.
-Ocean's 12 w/ Chess Club boys.

Saturday, March 19
-Watched Almost Famous by myself
-Babysat Georgia and Matthew Chapman. (watched Thirteen at their house after bedtime)
-Kate came home.

Sunday, March 20
-Church.
-Kate went home to Boone.
-Quest (bigger and better... fun times)
-Jill, Charlotte, and Dad came back from the swim meet.

Monday, March 21
-Laziness. Never left the house.

Tuesday, March 22
-Got all dressed up at possibility of Winston shopping trip, but it never materialized.
-Went to Cookout and Wal*Mart instead.
-Mom came home from LA (visiting Will)

Wednesday, March 23
-Nothingness and reading IM. (a lot of my time was spent procrastinating IM and debating whether or not I had time to read Michael Crichton.)

Thursday, March 24
-Reading some more.
-Hung out with the new Doctor and his family who were in town for the week.
-Talked to Ash on the phone for like an hour. First time I've hit the hour mark on a phone conversation. I'm proud of myself.

Friday, March 25
-Went to Kath's b-day party @ Subway. Yayyy birthdays!!
-Watched Passion at the church.
-Did my IM questions.
-Saw Hostage with JEP.

Saturday, March 26
-Early morning shopping trip w/ the family
-Rented Jurassic Park and I <3 Huckabee's
-Watched them w/ the family.

Sunday, March 27
-Easter Sunday! Church!
-Dinner w/ some of my parent's friends.
-Tillman came home (yay!), and we hung out with Evan and Emily.

Monday, March 28
-Kate made me an egg and cheese biscuit. Yummmmy.
-Shaved my legs (haha... it's a momentous occasion)
-Watched Being Julia
-Cleaned up the room a bit.


So that was my Spring Break. The times I wasn't doing that stuff, I was watching TV, aimlessly dinking around on the internet, compulsively checking what little away messages were on, and moping around. I did a lot of moping. But it was restful moping.

We're into the home stretch now, kids. 8 more weeks till I'm outta there!

spring shopping!!

As is tradition some time in the springtime, my family went on a shopping trip to get some clothes for spring/summer. I have a ridiculous amount of t-shirts and short sleeved shirts and I also have a pair of jean capris and khaki capris and khaki shorts so I really only needed jean shorts to complete the set. Shopping is always hit-or-miss for me, never in between. Sometimes I can't shake the initial bad mood I get when shopping that I get every time. If I don't shake it, I usually can't get good clothes. Or I give up too soon. If I do shake it, I'll usually find some really awesome stuff. This one was definitely a hit. I got some slightly dressy shirts/blouses so I don't wear t-shirts every day for the rest of the warm weather. I also got a shirt at Old Navy that was really really cute and it made me so happy. I also got some faded blue shorts that were the same style and material as my favorite khaki shorts, so they can take the place of any jean shorts I would get. I love the 5 inch inseam. It's my favorite kind. And then I got a linen skirt to wear in the summer. It was a size too big, but you can always make big things smaller. I also got some capris. Jean. They were a different style from the ones I had before, so I only slightly overlapped there. So now I have more outfit possibilites for the summer. But seriously, who am I kidding? I work at a summer camp. I will be wearing t-shirts the whole time. No joke.

As boredom sets in, different functions start taking over my body. Whatever adrenaline I run on during the school week is completely drained. Chalk it up to atrophy. Can your adrenaline funcitons atropy? Let's just pretend that they can. So I am overly lathargic. I start repeating actions, expecting different results. Technically, that is the definition of insanity; I won't go that far. I'll go from walking around the house, watching a few TV shows, and looking (to no avail) for something to eat to compulsively checking away messages and email and comments. I desperately search for some trace of any life or activity anywhere I can. But it just ends up in disappointment. Along with my lack of adrenaline comes a lack of a need to hydrate myself. I won't drink because I'm not thirsty because I don't do anything. Therefore, when I stand up from long periods of little to no movement while watching TV, I black out. Sometimes enough to make me fall over. It's probably unhealthy. I've gotten used to it. Another thing that comes along with no activity or social contact comes the decreased impulse to shower. I'll wait until it gets to the point that I'm surprised at my state of filth. Then I'll take forever to shower (so it will take up time). It's a very theraputic practice.

The biggest thing that comes out of boredom is the increased brain activity. I have time to just sit and think things through and let things sink in. I wish I had more time when school's in session because I think I'd remember more of the stuff. I'd take it to the philosophical level. I've been doing it so much this week. Topics ranged from my insecurities about being valedictorian- how I can picture myself being like 35 and when people ask me why I think I'm smart, I'll tell them I was a valedictorian and then they'll laugh at me because it's my only claim to fame. All from watching part of a rerun of The Missing Link. Things like that. It doesn't drive me crazy, but it occupies my time. A good thing about having time to think is that I took my time reading Invisible Man and doing the questions. Now I can get a little bit of a head start on Light in August if I want to. This way, I'll feel like I'm on top of the game as opposed to feeling like I'm hanging on by a thread.

Anyways. All I'm trying to say is that I've been through so many levels of boredom that it can only go up from here. Oh, and also that AIM sucks during spring break when everybody's gone.

journal-esque

I've started to keep a journal unlike any previous ones in my lifetime. The lack of structure or expectations is the driving force behind said journal. I just write thoughts. Sometimes it's coherent- other times just random thoughts. I started this sometime in the midst of my monumental spring break boredom, and it helps tame some of my crazy thoughts. It's a lot like my blog, but easier because sometimes I don't think linearly. I like doing that web thing- where you just write an idea and circle it and then go off from that idea and so on and so forth. It's how I took the Svi Shapiro notes at GSW. Someone called it creative. Sometimes people say things that I do are creative but then I start thinking that I'm not really that creative and it makes me sad. How does one know if one is creative? I'd say I'm imaginative, but I don't know if that's the same thing as being creative. Eh, I dunno.

Shorter posts as boredom sets in.

aaaaaaah

the post that was there is no longer there. 'twas just a simon and garfunkel song. and my thoughts. but, whatever. at least the text wrap is back! why was my blogger freaking out so bad? i'm glad it's back to normal.

sorry about that.

half of the time you're gone

and you don't know where, you don't know... where.

I think my work ethic doesn't exist. I honestly can't bring myself to actually do anything unless I don't think about it until I'm already in the zone. Like, had I thought about cleaning my room, it wouldn't have been done. But I didn't think about it until I found myself folding laundry. My reading, on the other hand, is a conscious effort. I really need to read something. It doesn't matter what, exactly, just something. I usually wait until the last possible moment to sit down and do the stuff. I go outside on the hammock, intending to put a dent in the schoolwork, but it never works. I end up sitting and thinking about life and nature. Which isn't bad, don't get me wrong, it's just not what I need to be doing.

I like thinking about life when I have nothing else to do. It lets me sort things out. That's why I think I'll always be able to maintain some sort of sanity throughout my life- they always say that people who pray are less stressed out. They also say that introspection leads to a healthier lifestyle, all around. If you think about what you're doing, you're probably less likely to continue doing harmful things. Personally, when I go for days without actually thinking things through, I'll go a little bit crazy. Then I take a little extra time sorting everything out. Writing it out makes it a lot easier, too. I'll just follow my brain where it wants to go, letting me talk out all the bits floating around in there so I can be clear and able to think more clearly.

Sometimes I wish I had better posts. Most of them are too journal-y. Eh, I'm not too worried about it.

nostalgia.

I remember growing up in the country of California- a free spirited little kid who would wear white stretch pants and white turtlenecks and white keds just because she hated jeans. A little girl with a probably much too vivid imagination with about a billion imaginary pets. A little girl who grew up in the company of her siblings instead of "fast friends." A slightly hippie child who always seemed to be outside.

The time that I didn't spend outside, I spent inside ruining a lot of the stuff I owned. Not in any big sense, I'd just make small alterations to clothes and toys I had so that I would still be able to wear them, they'd just make me feel a little bit yucky knowing they weren't new. That happened to a lot of my stuff. I really hated some of the clothes I made myself wear; the only clothes I can remember involved something about how they made me feel weird. When I look back at kids today, I wonder if they have those crazy outfits that they hide from their mom behind nooks and crannies in their room because they stuffed them there while pretending to clean. I wonder if they have that pair of shoes that they, at one point, decided would look much better with a bit of nail polish on them. It's hard to describe those memories, because they are so weird. I can't quite verbalize the feelings elicited by those weird clothes.

Another thing that goes along with the old days is the cramped feeling created by a constantly messy room. When my room isn't messy, it's usually cluttered- it has been my whole life. Call it my pack-rat nature, my inability to follow through on initially ambitious plans to thouroghly clean out my room, or just general laziness, but it's always the same. Many of my childhood memories involve messing things up so that they had to be cleaned again. The only time I never had to clean up was when I was outside. Perhaps that's why I played outside so much. You can't really mess up nature in the same way you can mess up your room. The messy room thing has another facet by which it influenced my need to be outside. I always got some weird feeling hanging over my head when I'd be in my room- like I was supposed to be cleaning it. When I was outside, I'd be free of the confines of my stuffy, psychologically damaging room and as well as the stuffiness of the rest of the house in general.

That's why I like spring and summer so much. They allow me to be outside in the big room that I can never mess up. I can sit in a hammock and listen to the wind blow in the trees and smell the fresh air. All this glory as opposed to sitting in my always-on-the-edge-of-being-messy room breathing the stuffy air that's been recycled through the vent a billion times listening to the sounds of everyone else doing something mundane.

If you wanted to, you could connect it to my feeling of responsibility for keeping the environment clean. It's different than cleaning a room, it's like preserving something that has been integral to your development since childhood. I honestly can't imagine a day when I'd rather be in my room than outside.

You know what I really want? A messenger bag. Like, a mid-sized denim one with embroidery or a leather one or something that looks kind-of worn out, or at least not new and store-bought. I wish something like that had been in my family for a while so that it would be truly vintage. I have a purse like that (my rainbow one) but it's almost breaking and not big enough to hold a notebook or something. I feel like I'm going to need one this summer and next year at college. I mean, I bet I'll need a real backpack (and yes, I'm referring to them as backbacks again like in the old days) for carrying around various things, but I want something to use on lighter days.

On another note, babysitting for a rocker's kids is really fun. Jerry Chapman's basement is full of way cool stuff. LIke a billion CDs and tapes and records (some autographed, like by the Donnas and stuff) and cool worn out guitars and fun stuff like that. He had a small but high-quality DVD collection. I couldn't choose which movie to watch, but I finally decided on the way depressing "Thirteen."

Missing someone is weird. It's like you wait around to talk to them or hear their voice and then you savor that one little bit of time that you interact with them and then it's gone and you're right back to missing them again. It's augmented in my case by the fact that none of my family is home. Mom's in CA. Dad, Jill, and Char are in Huntersville for a swim meet. Kate is in MA, but hanging out with KJ or something. So I'm stuck at home by myself to watch too much TV and not read Invisible Man. And not practice piano. But it's Spring Break. So I have a little leeway.

If it were spring, I would be outside sleeping or something. In a tent. How fun would that be? It's too cold. Darn it.

road trippin'!!

The driving portion of the Refvem Family still living at 667 Cross Creek drive went on an excursion for lower gas prices. Thankfully we didn't drive an excursion, because we would have killed like 8 ducks and 4 trees at least on the way there. Because of high emissions and low fuel economy. We did drive the Yukon XL- probably just as bad. Average economy of 15 MPG. Yuck. But, yeah. We drove up to Cana for 8-cents-cheaper-per-gallon glory. I was running on fumes, personally, so this crazy road trip couldn't have come at a more opportune time. Three Refvem cars in line up the highway into VA. 'Twas quite an experience.

I like snow days because I do fun things by myself. Like Cathe Strech-Max. And view movies such as Almost Famous and the end of High Fidelity on Comedy Central. And not change out of my P.J.'s. And eat "brunch" and "linner" and "multiple snacks in between." And look forward to a weekend at my house by myself. I mean, alone. It should be fun.

coolllleegge

So. Big news in Emmaland, everyone! I got a scholarship to a state school for $10,000- something with the State Employee's Credit Union- so that means I'm committed to attending the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill this fall. I'm ridiculously pumped. My mind is working better in bullet form today, so here we go!

• The Environmental Science program at Carolina is really good, so I'm excited about the possible majors and discovering what I really want to do after formal schooling has ended. They have good programs for study abroad, too, I've heard, so that's a good thing.
• I can now be a sports fan and justify it, haha. I won't feel bad or anything and now I can include myself in discussions about Basketball and stuff.
• I'm ridiculously glad that I didn't have to decide by myself which college to attend, it takes such a weight off that I didn't make the decision myself. I'm so indecisive that I would probably end up regretting my choice at some point down the line. Because the scholarship decided it for me, I can just chill with that being the deciding factor. I mean, it will still be cool to say that I got into the other colleges (if I did, haha). At GSW, I was kindof mad that I didn't get to choose because I didn't like the classes offered, and sometimes I got jealous of GSE kids, but I think that scenario is a little different.
  
• The scholarship along with the already monumentous difference in price between Carolina and the private schools takes the big financial burden off my back. I hate feeling like I'm being a financial burden. Money makes me weirded out. Now I don't have to worry about it.
• I used to think it was weird that there would be a lot of people I know there, and I didn't like that thought. Now I couldn't really care less. I mean, College is so big that I won't have to go out of my way to avoid anybody. So that's not a problem with me anymore.
• I'm glad that I finally know for certain where I'm going. And that it was so stress free! Now when people ask where I'm going, I can just say "Carolina!" and leave it at that! It's so simple. Much easier than "Well, I got into Carolina but I haven't heard back from the other schools so I don't know yet." That opens the big can of worms with questions like- "If you got into all four schools, which would you go to?" And then that takes a while to explain because I don't really know. My thought processes are weird.

So, yeah. That's crazy. My future is no longer unstable. I know exactly what I'm doing for at least another year. Here goes the list of stuff coming up in the life of Emma: Spring Break. Senior Prom. Senior Trip. AP Exams. Graduation. Cheerio. Hawaii. Tahoe. College @ Carolina. Hooooly cow. So definitive! So crazy!

In other news, I got a lot of sleep last night and feel a billion times better than I did Sunday night/Monday day. This past weekend was hecka awesome. Friday was chill. Tillman and I watched Starsky and Hutch. It was pretty lighthearted and funny. I liked it. Saturday I got to sleep in, hang w/ Char Char and her friend Katye a little, go to the recycling center, hang with Shmimms!!, get first place in the Talent Show (without the use of an inhaler... haha. couldn't help it. it was mean, i know. sorry.), and hang w/ Shmims and Courts and Tillman. Sunday was church- Sunday School at the Methodist and big church at the Presbyterian to hear Char Char sing. Shmims and I watched a little Garden State, then a little Slushie practice, then she went home and I spent the day sitting on my lawn reading IM and writing a poem. Then I got stressed out and felt poopy, as you saw. I spent too much time on my procrastinated IM and Calculus AP sheet, both of which I could have been working on all week, that I didn't have time to study for AP Bio. Bad move. So Monday sucked because I was tired and stressed and annoyed and fed up with school. Monday afternoon was ok, and YL was awesome and sleep was awesomer. I'm getting better at planning out my afternoons. Not as much computer time does the trick.

Are my posts too long?

there are reasons why i never cuss. because it makes it that much more effective when i decide to do so. there are also reasons why i try not to procrastinate. because it sucks. that said, i just have one thing to say:


i feel like shit. complete and utter shit.

jumbled masses

the bright, sunny day
disappears in a moment
the gentle warmth
conceding
to the jumbled masses

jumbled
as they clutter up the sky
replacing the blue
with the gray

masses
that absorb the warmth
from my toes
my once happy toes

stealing the day
that the earth-child
loves

those selfish
jumbled
masses

6 days late...

Happy Belated 2nd Anniversary, blog. You've been there through the tough times and the crazy times and the happy times in between. Where would I be without you? In an uncommunicative ditch, most likely. Or in a constant state of writers block. Or something.

index card

Flowers make me happy! I carried one around in my nalgene all day today, after the NHS induction ceremony. It smelled good. I drank from the same reservoir of water from which it drank, also. Which is an awardly worded way to say that I drank flower water. Hopefully it wasn't pesticide water. That would be a bummer, seeing as how I would probably die or something. But I trust my faithful flower.

Everyone said that I stole the flower and that I am a bad person. But I didn't really think it was stealing because I bet they just took them from the yard out in front of the gym and I bet they were going to throw them away anyway. Another excuse I used had to do with the fact that I don't think you can really steal a flower. I mean, it's a part of the earth. Mother nature would want us to share. There are flaws in my assumption, of course. Technically, gold and other precious minerals are a part of the earth. Also, as Jacob Martin pointed out, I would become very sad if someone decided to steal my flower from me. Mrs. Hutchinson stated it the most blatently that it was a selfishly kleptomaniacal way of justifying stealing. She didn't use that wording, but whatever. We all had a laugh in Chess Club.

Things associated with spring make me happy. They put me in a good mood. Especially if these things smell good, haha. I wonder if I'm going to be sad when spring is over. Probably not. Because summer is fun too.

Technically, I broke a lot of rules with this daffodil. I'm not allowed to have water, let alone an open bottle, let alone with a stolen flower in it. But I had it open on my desk in Earth Science and it made Ms. Watts smile. That's what they do! They have that affect on people. I mean, Mrs. Martin didn't even stop me in the hall when she saw it. Craziness.

If I were a teacher, I would have a flower on my desk all the time because they are so pretty. Sometimes I think I should get my teaching degree so I can do cool stuff with my room and be a fun teacher. Who knows. I might get to do that kind of stuff when I'm in graduate school. Or maybe I won't go to graduate school and I'll just become a really cool cool teacher who has flowers in nalgenes.

So, today's NHS inductions were fun. I got to speak in front of a lot of people. These people told me I was a good speaker. It made me happy. The bad thing about the ceremony is that Jim Harrell turned it in to an assembly about politics for about 30 minutes. Silly politicians. Goldie and I agreed that even when we like them they always make it about themselves, no matter what they're supposed to be talking about.

It was a good Friday, overall. I'm pumped about this weekend because Shmimmy is coming and the Talent Show is tomorrow and I have to do a crap load of English and Biology stuff. Haha, that's the bad part. But, whatever. It's all goood.

my head hurts.

My thoughts are so scattered lately. Not that I have so much to think about or anything, it's just that I can't allow myself to concentrate on any one thing for too long. So I'll be doing a billion things at once. Like, right now, I have about 6 tabs open in my browser window. It's too much stuff! I'll be reading one thing and it will remind me of something else and so I'll open up a window to see it. Liiikkee... geez. I just did it. I think I'm going crazy. Maybe I've been having too much caffeine or something. I feel kindof jittery, too. I actually think it might have something to do with sleep deprivation.

I really am starting to get over senioritis, I think. I find myself wanting to do homework instead of sitting on the computer, especially when I get a good blog done. I think that's my problem. I put off blogging for aimless browsing, and then I waste a bunch of time without getting anything done. So, when I blog, I feel like I've accomplished something on the internet for the day and I can move on to bigger and better things. I work well when I allow myself time for certain things, like make myself a schedule. Then I usually follow it and everything's groovy.

I have a headache because I've been stuffing too much stuff into it without letting it settle down. What, with school and friends and siblings and weather the talent show and everything that's going on, I can't solidify my thoughts to any one of these things. So I start forgetting stuff. I think I'm going to alter my schedule so I can watch the previous day's Daily Show at 7 and go to sleep earlier. Especially on Tuesday nights, because of Campaigners.

I'm kindof rambling. I wanted to say something short and succinct that would get across my point but I'm not doing a very good job of it. I think I'll just list some of the feelings that are in my brain.

Frustration.
Exhaustion.
Cluelessnes.
Happiness.
Sadness.
Anticipation.
Boredom.
Satisfaction.

I just need some relaxation. I think I'll do that. My temporary ADHD is getting on my nerves. Nothing is of any substance anymore, I feel like I get more and more superficial every day. But not "fake drama queen" superficial, but that nothing really gets past the surface; I'm stretching myself too thin. Instead of things feeling substantial and worth something, they feel light and like they could float away, if that makes any sense.

It's a dangerous thing when spring fever sets in on someone who already has senioritis... hang in there! Don't let it get to you...

Oh, Dad. He knows me too well! I went rollerblading after school today. I can't stop doing handstands. I wore my chacos and capris today to school because it was sunny with a high of 75 (to quote some relient K). I'm addicted to the feeling of spring. I'm also addicted to the feeling of graduation. Hmmmmm yeah.

Today was a good day. YL was funn! I'm more flexible than I thought, haha. Silly silly times.

my new favorite thing: handstands.

root beer times root beer equals beer.

My life is good nalgene has officially been inducted into the "Emma's Nalgene Hall of Fame." I dropped it down the stairs. He doesn't have any battle wounds, to my knowledge, but I still consider him inducted. I'm still sad at the loss of my Pico/Slushie nalgene that was so carelessly lost by Jill at some point during swim season, but I think the addition of this L.I.G. one from Mom has made up for the loss. It's always good to have a wide mouth and a narrow mouth because sometimes you just want to be able to dring it really fast, which is easier in narrow mouths. Also, sometimes you want to put ice in it or have ease in transporting liquids, which is when you rely on your trusty wide mouth. Poor Cindy, my narrow mouth, is quite scarred. But she's still surviving, thankfully.

I think the best thing about Nalgenes is that they have trained me to actually drink water. I used to never ever just drink water unless I was parched or exercising. Now I drink it throughout the day, and I feel more hydrated. I used to hate the taste of water but now I enjoy drinking it even when I'm not thirsty. I don't mind having water with meals now, which pumps me up because soda isn't great all the time. Water makes me feel good and refreshed. It's quite refreshing.

Another drink I've started to really like lately is juice. I mean, I was never conscious of my juice affinity before, I guess because Mom rarely buys juice to just be in our refrigerator. Recently she has kept the juice well stocked, so I've been enjoying Cranberry Wild Berry and Berry Blends juices. I really like pineapple juice and V8 splash, too.

While we're on the topic of new things I like, I'll bring up Yogurt. Because I've been eating a veritable s-load of it lately. I used to not be able to finish a whole Yoplait in one sitting, but now I can eat one for breakfast and then for lunch again sometimes! It helps you burn fat, but I guess that doesn't work for me since I don't excercise. I guess I need to get back on the ball with that.

I really like exercising when I don't do it too much and I don't feel guilty about not doing it. Does that make sense? Like, if I randomly remember to excercise, it makes me feel good. But when it turns into an obligation and I feel bad for not doing it, I don't like doing it. I think I'm going to row for a little while tonight, just because I can. Unless it's too cold. Then I'll see if Mom has some good excercise tapes to do. She sold Tae-Bo and our Yoga tapes on eBay, which I would have stopped had I not been in an anti-exercising mood. Rowing is great and all, but I'm not so sure I want beefy arms. Haha. "Beefy arms" looks funny written down.

So does "hypocrisy."
cellar door.

You know what's cool? Stream of consciousness.

irony, shmirony.

3 days in Matty and Leslie's "Philosophy of Science" class with some of the brightest science students in all of North Carolina spent discussing why the sky is blue, and I found out the answer in about 3 seconds on a commercial for girl scouts. Life sure is funny.

monday: snow day!

would you like to swing on a star...

I really like setting aside a whole day for reading. Because I plan my day around it and feel no stress about time restraints in which I need to complete my reading. I just become a recluse in my room and I let myself be absorbed by the story. Today, I sat up in my bed from right after church until right before Quest, reading Invisible Man. I kind of zoned out on Ch. 5 because it was boring, but it's all good. I also took a nap at page 75 because it was about halfway through what I was supposed to read. It was a really good nap. My bed is ridiculously comfortable, let me tell you. I've been wanting to nap in it for a while now, and I finally got my wish. It was just a 45 minute nap, but it made all the difference. It got me further into book reading mode. I was further pumped that I finished my English assignment before the typical Sunday night at 10:30 routine, and I also didn't do any of it on Saturday! I was feeling bad about being so lazy and just watching ANTM all day. But now I don't! I feel like I had an awesome weekend!

Friday: After chess club, I drove down to the gas station right next to where 421 meets 77 so that Charlotte (my sister) and Jill could ride with Kate the rest of the way to Charlotte (the city) for Charlotte's (my sister) swim meet. We ate subway at the station and then I drove myself back to good ol' MA where I prepared to spend the evening alone, since all of my family was somewheres else. I ended up hangin w/ the Till-meister. We went to see Joel play at the Good Life for a few minutes, played some chess while there (haha), then came back to mi casa to watch some home videos. Home videos are pretty funny. Then we played Trivial Pursuit and it was funny, though we were all way too tired by the end of it.

Saturday: Slept in late, planned on reading Invisible Man, but ended up not doing it at all. I watched ANTM and played some piano in-between. I really need to practice a lot for federation- aah! I also took Lucy on a bike ride (she ran along, for all of you who think my dog can ride a bike, haha). It was invigorating- I love riding bikes. Then I started getting depressed and then I watched DD. Then I came home and did some Calculus homework before going to bed, so I wouldn't feel so bad, and so I could devote my whole day to IM.

Sunday: Church. IM reading. Quest (funnnn!). Senior Leader Meeting (hilarious: ADHD and Catch Phrase work well together). Oh yeah, and it's the 3-months-iversary for me and Tillman. So, it was like the cherry on top of the good weekend.

You know what show was awesome? Out of this World.

a waste of a day.

I watched the America's Next Top Model marathon on VH1 today instead of reading invisible man. I literally wasted an entire day. I did practice some piano, though, so all is not lost. I was beginning to hate myself for my loserness but then I went over to Tillman's house to watch the Donnie Darko Director's Cut with him and Evan and Jordan and it put me in a better mood. I am still mad that I didn't read any in Invisible Man, but I can't make myself do that kind of thing when I'm not in the right mood. I'll do some Calculus tonight so I can set the entire day tomorrow aside for Invisible Man. It shouldn't be too bad. As long as I don't sink into my bad habits once again. Silly me.

I'm going to start rowing after school again.

I'm getting a haircut on Monday, finally. My bangs look deplorable, and it's all my fault.

I am tired.

it's..... over.

finally. I am now a certified Lifeguard, I just have to pay my fees and all that technical stuff. Instead of getting the badge of honor of saving Chuck, I had to grapple with Eric for like 5 minutes. Rather than it being a life-saving experience, it was more like watching water wrestling. He had Evan in a half nelson at one point, I think. I don't know much about wrestling. I just know that when he would grab onto my neck, I would sink down and push away from him. I finally got him to the wall, while he was trying to grab my head. It was exhausting but not too bad. I only wish I would have gotten to see everybody else save Chuck, he said it was pretty funny. Usually people come out of that class hating Chuck, but I think he's really cool. Evan and I agreed that we like hardcore teachers like him moreso than ones that baby you and try to be "cool" or whatever. Chuck is cool in his own way. So, I'm glad that's all overwith.

English class is making me happy recently. I liked Hamlet, but I'm glad all that mess is behind us. As of right now, I have a 112 on the final test for Hamlet. That's crazy. I said 112 valid things, haha. I hope it counts as extra credit or something. I sure do need it to pull up my essay scores, though. Anyways. So I'm getting less wordy on my essays, I'm starting to say what I want to say in the least amount of words possible. The in-class essay we did today should be a test of how successful that method will be. I also like these new poetry assignments she's assigning to us. We just have to do a freewrite responding to one of these poems she gives us. It's perfect for me, because I've gotten so used to writing on random stuff on here. It's gonna be fun. I'm also happy because I really like "Invisible Man" so far. I really miss reading a good book that isn't a Shakespeare play or something. I liked Lord of the Flies and The Things They Carried, but that seems like forever ago. I like Ellison's style, I think. I like the insight he gives on certain stuff, too. I just really like reading.

I hope you guys have been enjoying this warm weather like I have. I really wish it was spring. And yes, I will say that until it is officially spring. I need a change in wardrobe! Time to break out the cute stuff!

you've done some crazy stuff over in scraptown

Bodnar was hilarious today in class. He told us a story about the "Fiddy Cent" of opossums (as I named him). The opossum was eating his dog's dog food, so Bod let the hound loose on the critter. The dog went to town, "awailin' on it" until it looked like it was dead. Five minutes later, Fiddy was eatin' the dog food again. Bod set the dog on him, but he played dead again. This time, Bod shot it 7 times with a 22 (apparently a penetration rifle that is illegal in hunting because it's "liable to shoot clear through the deer and hit someone on the other side"). Next time Bod checked the dog food, there was ol' Fiddy, chompin away, bleedin all over the place. He had clumb (no, he didn't say that. but i wouldn't be surprised) over the fence and drug himself over to the bowl. So Bod slung it out in the yard and shot it with a shotgun. Apparently he didn't hit any vital organs with his first 7 shots. Fiddy was back on the street, hence his name. But, unlike our dear rapper, this Fiddy is now in a better place. Bod told us many stories about opossums; he gave us some good advice. They tend to nip atcha, but if you just smack 'em on the head, you can grab it by the tail and sling it out in the yard. He learned this from the many times opossums were hiding in his dog food bin. Needless to say, it was a funny funny class period. Other discussions included mammary glands and discussion of the anatomy of nipples. Oh, Biology. How I love thy randomness. (i've been reading too much Shakespeare).

Today was a really pretty day outside. Almost... too... pretty... ? I wish it was spring. Right now. No more winter. I hate winter. Boooo winter. But, without winter, I'm not sure if I could appreciate the glory that is a pretty spring day. Winter makes me write in sentence fragments whereas spring makes me want to speak poetically and write long, verbose sentences.

No lifeguarding tonight! Last day tomorrow! w00t!

two posts, one night, insanity.

My thoughts on messy rooms:

I don't mind them. As long as the inhabitant can function somewhat reasonably, they are just fine by me. Some people need pristine organization in their room to function. Some people like a little bit of clutter. Take me, for example. I like a really organized room just as much as the next person, but I can handle the mess because usually I made it and I don't have time to clean it up. So, where it looks like complete and utter chaos to someone like my mom, I know where everything is and how it got there. I also don't mind being in a place where the person made their own mess, as long as it's their place. Like when I babysit. Sure, it's a little annoying to try and function with the stuff all over the place so you can't find things you need to find, but you don't have to live there forever. But when someone else comes in and messes up my room, I hate it with a passion. I start going crazy. When it's my mess, I don't feel like I have to take up time that I would rather be doing something else to clean it, because I can always do it later. But when it's my sisters' and mom's mess in my room, I have to clean it up all at once because I can't stand it at all. And then I'm mad because I'd rather be doing something else. And then I start making crazy sounds. But as the room gets cleaner, my mood lightens and I get to feeling better. Not as crazy. I think that when I have a house of my own, I will keep it semi-clean. At least smelling clean. I hate it when houses smell like stay-at-home-mom-that-doesn't-clean-very-well/stinky-diaper-baby. If mine ever turns into that, I'd die. I think mine will be crazy because my kids will probably be crazy, but not dirty. Messy, but not dirty. There's a difference. And I bet that with my own house, it won't be as messy because I'll have more places to put stuff. My whole "house" is essentially all in my room. So, what I'm trying to say is that I hate it when Jill and Charlotte spend all day in my room and then Mom comes in and forces me to clean it, insulting my personal space. Because it's not her space- she doesn't have to understand why I don't care that there's not a "clear pathway around my bed."

I can't wait to have my own space.

two posts, one night, insanity.

My thoughts on messy rooms:

I don't mind them. As long as the inhabitant can function somewhat reasonably, they are just fine by me. Some people need pristine organization in their room to function. Some people like a little bit of clutter. Take me, for example. I like a really organized room just as much as the next person, but I can handle the mess because usually I made it and I don't have time to clean it up. So, where it looks like complete and utter chaos to someone like my mom, I know where everything is and how it got there. I also don't mind being in a place where the person made their own mess, as long as it's their place. Like when I babysit. Sure, it's a little annoying to try and function with the stuff all over the place so you can't find things you need to find, but you don't have to live there forever. But when someone else comes in and messes up my room, I hate it with a passion. I start going crazy. When it's my mess, I don't feel like I have to take up time that I would rather be doing something else to clean it, because I can always do it later. But when it's my sisters' and mom's mess in my room, I have to clean it up all at once because I can't stand it at all. And then I'm mad because I'd rather be doing something else. And then I start making crazy sounds. But as the room gets cleaner, my mood lightens and I get to feeling better. Not as crazy. I think that when I have a house of my own, I will keep it semi-clean. At least smelling clean. I hate it when houses smell like stay-at-home-mom-that-doesn't-clean-very-well/stinky-diaper-baby. If mine ever turns into that, I'd die. I think mine will be crazy because my kids will probably be crazy, but not dirty. Messy, but not dirty. There's a difference. And I bet that with my own house, it won't be as messy because I'll have more places to put stuff. My whole "house" is essentially all in my room. So, what I'm trying to say is that I hate it when Jill and Charlotte spend all day in my room and then Mom comes in and forces me to clean it, insulting my personal space. Because it's not her space- she doesn't have to understand why I don't care that there's not a "clear pathway around my bed."

I can't wait to have my own space.

amen. good job, sam.

I'm sitting here in Tillman's room listening to Mitch Hedberg because he is really really funny. Apparently I type at a rather swift pace. According to Tillman.

So. This weekend was cool, I guess. I went to bed really early on Friday and woke up really early on Saturday. Just because I was tired of sleeping, I guess. I woke up so early that I got to eat with the first round of pancakes! I usually have to reheat the griddle and cook my own and clean up the mess. Not this time, my friends. I then proceeded to go to Reeves to swim with Ashley. I swam a broken mile while Ashley turtled some laps and then worked on her overarm stroke. It was fun. The guy swimming in lane 6 swam for like 3 hours constantly, apparently. At one point he stopped to tell me "way to work!" and I nodded in reciprocation of his compliment. It was funny. I like swimming to work out. I'd probably look like a dork at a gym or something. But not in the pool!

Then I went down to the concert in Charlotte with the members of Slushie. There were a few technical difficulties, but it was all-in-all a good night.

This morning I went to Church and it was regular. Then I did some homework including my English paper that I thought was really bad but that turned out to be good with a few mistakes, according to Goldie. That made me happy.

So, I guess there wasn't as much to talk about as I thought. Scene kids crack me up. There were some really really scene kids at the show at Liquid Recordz. Like, ridiculously scene. It was funny. I felt so Cheerio. But I didn't get to see my Cheerio p33pz. Mark my words, we will have a reunion some day. If I have anything to do with it, we will reunite. Haha. I did get to talk to them. And then it made me wish that it were summer. Or that I was at Cheerio. One of the two.

so i'd better write this down...

Things I want/like:

• the Argument. I heard this band on XM Unsigned today, and I liked them quite a lot. I'm considering purchasing their CD. Hence its presence on this silly little list. Their CD is called "Recess Serenade."
  
• Almost Famous DVD. I like that movie. And the music they play in it.
• Donnie Darko directors cut DVD. 'nuff said.
• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind DVD.
• a Relient K shirt. Preferably the one with a turtle on it.
• a Bill Nye the Science Guy shirt that says "Science Rules." It's pretty much ridiculously cool.
• to sleep. I'm ridiculously tired. This week has lasted an eternity and a half.

Time for bed. I wanted to write all that down so I'd remember it myself. I let Char-char take my camera to her friend's party. It was probably not a good idea. I'll probably get back about a billion pictures of someone's foot or something. Or some silly middle school stuff. Who knows? Silly Char-char.

This week was a very tiring one. It was long and tiring, and a day off tomorrow would have been heaven. But, no. Snow has foiled my plans. Snow and the teachers and their slacker tendencies. They would rather teach a day than go to a silly workshop. My follies!

So, yeah. Lifeguarding wears me out so much. We were trying to cram the skills in this past week, so we started at 6 rather than 6:30. I ended up staying in the pool for close to 3 hours like every night. I want to take naps right after school, but schoolwork makes it hard. So when this class is over, I will hopefully stay more rested.

I go to bed later than I should, to watch the Daily Show. It's just so good! It's probably not a good idea to keep running on empty like I have lately (and not just in my car, haha).

I also keep procrastinating schoolwork. It's annoying, but I do it to myself anyway. I think I'm gonna sleep in more this Saturday than previous ones.

I can't think completely.

I remember thinking about a good thing to post and an even better title. But I've forgotten what it was about. Silly me.

Time for Daily Show and bed.

ahh, eros.

So. This is my first Valentines Day, or Singles Awareness Day, on which I was not single. It is a weird feeling for me. It's almost like I can't handle all the emotion or something, like a sensory overload. It was crazy in a good way. While I do feel like this is the most exclusive holiday, I didn't really feel bad about being happy that it was V-day. Because, while it is about relationship love, it is generally a time to feel love and happiness. Like, Kathryn gave me a valentine because she is my friend and it made me feel loved and happy. And then Christine in my Earth Science class gave me a hershey kiss and just said "happiness" while giving it. I thought that was really sweet. And my mom gave me a little L.L. Bean tote bag with my initials and a heart embroidered on it. It was cute and made me happy. And then, after school, I recieved my first ever bouquet of flowers in my car, and everybody that already knew about it was waiting around to see my reaction. Not only was I happy to recieve these flowers from that special someone, I was happy that my friends were all a part of it and were happy, too. It didn't feel like they were jealous of me for getting flowers or something, just that they were happy that it happened. That made me happy. So, this valentines day, I want you to be happy and to know that I love you. Because that's what I think it's all about.

xoxo
emma

This summer is going to flippin rock. Like, starting right after AP Exams, my life is going to be so crazy and awesome! First off, there is Graduation. Yesss graduation. A time for me to say goodbye to the fun old times at High School and say hello to the hopefully so much better and new times at College. Then, there is Cheerio. Where I will be getting paid to hang out in my favorite place for 6 weeks. w00t! Then I think I get to hang out in MA for a couple weeks until I go to Hawaii with my dad's side of the family. Holy Cow that's going to be awesome. I think we're hanging out in CA for a little bit before Hawaii- which is really awesome. And then, after Hawaii, I will go to Lake Tahoe to a YL lodge or something. It is going to be sooooo awesome. And then there is College. It's almost too much to comprehend/handle. It really makes me happy.

this picture makes me extremely happy. like, extremely.

please celebrate the return of the chess club

The chess club is my favorite thing ever! For many bullet-able reasons. Bullets time!!

• It has taken the place of the void that was left in my life after Mrs. H stopped quiz bowl. So, maybe it was fun to hang in Ms. Stanley's room and answer random questions that we all knew would not really help us in the competition, but there was too much craziness and not enough Quiz-Bowliness. I missed the good ol' days of Freshman and Sophomore QB. This year, for me at least, Quiz Bowl is totally absent. Mainly because of the lack of teacher sponsorship and the scheduling conflicts. I did, however, lament the fact that I wouldn't have my weekly dose of QB fun times. Because that's what they really are- totally fun times. But this Chess Club thing is like the rebirth of the QB atmosphere! I'm the only girl besides Mrs. H, much like it was in the old days back with Sarah and I being the only girls on QB.
• The kids that are in it are the QB type; collectively, we have quite a broad expanse of knowledge. For example: While commenting on the fact that I always thought it was "manawar" or something along those lines, instead of "man-of-war" as Bodnar told us, Harry Appler told me that it was, in fact, "man-o'-war." It made so much sense! The best part about it was that everybody was interested in it, at least to some degree. And Michael O'Melia and Pang and I talked about some Bio while I was studying. (Pang isn't in C-squared technically, because she says she doesn't know how to play and/or always loses, and she was just hanging out watching Teng and Sailor's little brother's game)
• It's just like QB except without the competition or feeling of total inferiority by not knowing the answers to any questions- ever. Haha. I mean, I knew the occasional answer, but still. I can win chess games more often than I can answer a question correctly.
• I like playing chess! Brad and I played a couple games. I definitely needed to get back in the groove of playing chess, since the last time I really played for reals was in 6th grade. I was pretty awesome; I won one of the three tournaments. I'm sure that I'll not win all of these, especially against crazy chess people like Jacob.
  

So, there you have it. Thursday afternoons are awesome. Chess club is awesome. It's funny to listen to Sailor laugh about random stuff, and to listen to Teng and Sailor's brother playing games saying things like "Ohh, man. Are you sure you want to make that move?" and things like that the whole game, and to listen to Michael O'Melia and Matt Welker both discredit their chess skills or something like that, and to listen to all of those freshmen boys be freshmen boys, and to listen to Jacob giving cryptic comments to other chess players, and to have Mrs. H watchign over it all with a sense of satisfaction. Too bad the school year's almost over.

disclaimer

I would just like to take this moment and clarify the intent of this entire blog. It is a way for me to express and articulate my feelings at the time I am feeling them, for a couple of reasons. One is so I can look back on these memories and remember my feelings and how I grew from experiences and other cheezy memoir stuff like that. Another is to keep everyone in my life that I don't get to talk to on a regular basis updated on the events in my life. In no way is it meant to perpetuate drama. I like to express myself using this particular creative outlet- writing- because it is something I enjoy. Sometimes, I will write a post chock-full of ridiculous emotions, and I will often cringe when looking back on them, but that doesn't make them less a part of who I am and my development as a person. If you have been reading it for a while, or if you take a look at the archives, you will see that I have the occasionally hormonal and crazy post, and that they usually don't make sense. I am rash. I write down all of my immediate thoughts on a subject before actually thinking them through. So you see my thought process and, if you stick with it, you see it change. So I guess this is an apology to the people I have offended, and a promise to get better about the ways in which I express my feelings. But this is not an apology for the way I feel or the actual things I said. Because I really felt that they are true. I still do feel that way, actually. Everything in life can be misunderstood, and that goes for my blog too. So if you are really hurt about these things, I'd suggest talking directly to me. Because I will talk back. I'm willing to clarify anything for you. Honestly. Because, if you care enough to read this, I care enough to give you the time of day.

i'm fed up.

Geez. Today, I finally unleashed all the opinions about the slackers in our AP English class that have been building up since last semester, and they proceed to blow it out of proportion and make drama out of it. If there's one thing that girls in our high school are good at, it is making drama out of ridiculously un-drama situations. I, in all my social stupidity, suggested that perhaps they would actually have some homework to do in AP English and that it really isn't that hard. I also called them out for trying to use the "I have tons of AP classes" excuse, because I have the most homework-intensive AP classes of anybody in our school, and I have plenty of time to do it, even with 2 hours of lifeguarding a night. That's how it started. Innocuous enough, or so I thought. And then, while going over the vocabulary sheet for a quiz we are going to have on Monday, some of the folks were like "oh, we already had that word." I in all my logical splendor decided to say something to the effect of: "well, then you already learned it and so it's like extra points on your test!" It was optimistic! It wasn't weird! It made sense! Despite this, some of the girls took it upon themselves to make fun of me. Indirectly, mind you- the most popular mode of tearing people down by this crowd. Everybody recognized it, and while their whole side of the room was laughing along in their immature teenage way, we all knew what was going on. I knew, Goldie knew, the other half knew, and I didn't say anything about it. I just turned around to BAG and Tillman and talked to them to distract myself from the immaturity. It was my survival mechanism. Then, to top it all off, they all started pleading for Goldie to sing a song. That is my BIGGEST pet peeve, like, ever. I almost couldn't handle it. It drives me craazzzy. So I acted a little crazy for a few minutes. It was actually a good coping method- you should try it some time. I bit my pen and went into a mini rage about how I hated the pleading. And then class ended.

In Advisor Advisee, we were talking about general gripes in classes, kindof, and I asked Goldie if what I did made sense. And I told her my frustration at the lack of willingness for people to do work. And how I hated it when I would tell people summaries of the story, and then they would comment in class as if they had actually read it. I also talked about how it was a cop-out when people said "well, i can't listen to your argument because i'm not a genius..." or "of course it's easy for you, you're emma." I hate that. It's a total BS excuse. Goldie's the one that said it, too. That it was BS. And then the topic moved on and they were talking about people who do their work, and so I said. "Well, I see so-and-so takes good notes when we do stories and novels and stuff, and I know for a fact that so-and-so does hers because she tells me about it." And that was all I said. Two of the girls in AA with me decided to tell "that half" that I told Goldie that they never did their work.

So they are all mad at me. For something I didn't do. But they won't tell that to my face, they'll just gossip about me behind my back and create opinions that I am mean spirited or something. Because, honestly, it wasn't mean. It was meant to be a reality check. If you're in AP english- heck, if you're in school at all- you should expect to have to do some homework. Slackers who don't complain about the workload don't bother me. Slackers who get defensive and try to rationalize themselves out of their slackerness (some resort to becoming the ever popular ECW) and who get mad when they are called out on this slackerness totally bother me. I am going to be more mature about it, though, by apologizing and saying that I was merely in a bad mood and that I didn't mean to offend anyone. Because I didn't. I just hate it that they won't ever see that they were totally off base and hurt my feelings. They will claim it as a victory. I just hate immaturity. The fact that this whole situation made me want to cry, like, all day sucks so much. I get under their skin, so they resort to mean tactics of making me feel bad and tearing me down and getting under my skin. I resort to feeling bad about myself and wanting to cry. I don't start rumors about them back. I guess that's why I am never in a state of perpetual drama. Or why I am not a typical high school girl.

Whatever. I'm done with it. That was my final rant on the subject. It is in the past. I am officially over it.

oh, yeah, and I'm on the Valentines Court along with Courts. w00t!!

"i have the most stupidest friends ever"

Ok, ok. 10:47 is not late. If you think about it, late is a relative term. It was later than I had originally anticipated staying up. It was Sunday, I had been at states all weekend, and I had planned on going to bed somewhere around 9 or 9:30. My plans were foiled when Procrastination reared his ugly head. (notice how i capitalized procrastination and referred to it as a he. i think i'm reading too much old stuff like shakespeare. because i like doing stuff like that) So, if you think about it, it was a late night post. Plus, it's later than I usually post anyway.

As I told you before, last Wednesday was the awesomest day of senior year to date. Campaigners was fun times at the Leathers household, as always. French toast is really good. I used my privaleges as a senior and lunched at Subway with the boys. It was hilarious, I think because people said funny things. "Why go out to eat hamburgers when you already have hamburgers at home?" Courtney then got me out of 4th period to "help her with her physics homework." It turned out to be a Tillman concert in the back corner of Ms. Carson's room. I got to miss the whole class period to hang out with the coolest peoples ever. It was really fun. And then, after school, I had that whole piano deal and then I went home and procrastinated because there were rumors of school cancellations due to the weather. As the night went on, though, the weather predictions started looking bleaker. The slacker predictions were calling for a full day of school. So I did my homework after the Daily Show and stayed up really late. But I was awakened to the glorious sound of my mother's voice informing me that school was, in fact, cancelled.

Yeah, so there is not much to talk about on those subjects I so cryptically posted before. I don't know how successful it was. I waited too long and forgot what I was going to type about.

Yesterday was a really pretty day. With Lucy, I biked down Crossingham Road and gazed at the beautiful houses and beautiful views and beautiful llamas. Haha. llamas. I loved feeling the wind blowing through my hair. I love spring/fall feeling days out of season. Because I really hate winter. Like, a lot. I need spring. Spring fever is setting in. So, instead of doing my homework right away like the acadamian that I seem to have a reputation for being, I walked out to that burnt down house in the field behind my house. It was very pretty. I felt photographic, so I took some pictures. Some of the angles are cliché. Eh, I'll get over it. I then proceeded to open all the windows in my room and attempt to complete my homework on the back patio whilst eating chips and salsa. It didn't work. Here is an equation to show you the unsuccessfulness of homework on a day like yesterday: senioritis + spring fever = ridiculously lazy emma. I neither studied for the Calculus test nor completed my Hamlet work. But the Calc test wasn't that bad, and Goldie apparently isn't going to take up our questions on Hamlet at all. So, all in all, it was a good day.

Today was interesting. We got back our essays, and my paper finally earned the right to be displayed in front of the class on the overhead! Too bad it was ridiculously not neat. I mean, ridiculously. She said that she showed it to exemplify what teachers have to go through, and that it doesn't count against us at all to be that messy. Lets just say that there was definitely a sideways paragraph and many british spellings (licqour). We also had a quiz on Acts 1 & 2 of Hamlet. I totally missed one question because I didn't watch the cartoon Hercules. Or take good notes. Then, I took the Calculus test. I'm expecting a score in the mid-to-low 90's, but I can always surprise myself. In lunch, I asked Beasley if I could get back my confiscated cell phone, since Wednesday was 5 weekdays ago. He said yes, and then retracted his statement because "we weren't in school last thursday. it is gone for 5 school days." I then proceeded to tell him that his logic was shady, and then I sat down, defeated. I had an earth science test as well today. Too bad that I missed both days we took notes on rocks. Whatever. I'll survive.

I am officially signed up for the Talent Show. I will be playing my piece by Pederewski. Minuet in G or something along those lines. She has to screen people out, but I think she meant the singers. Because Jill, Bethany and I are the only ones signed up for piano at this point. I think I'm going to wear a pretty dress so I impress the judges, haha. I can't wait to write my information paragraph. It will be of a high caliber.

This post is really long. Because I haven't posted in a while. That seems to happen a lot lately.

artsy fartsy

I don't want to post right now, it takes to long. I'll do one tomorrow.

I felt artsy today. Check the pictures at my xanga. Or my photobucket.

Late night post! I should be in bed, but I can totally take a nap tomorrow after school if I want. Because swim season is over. My legs and arms are clean shaven, and I'm not sure if I like it. I'm still debating whether or not to go back to shaving full time. I might become a hippie again. We'll see. I'm gonna go get some sleep and stuff.

quick recap

wednesday was the aweseomest day of senior year to this date.

we had a snow day on thursday.

haha, lifeguarding class.

the state meet is tomorrow!!!

jill is being really late today, so i decided to write a short summary of what i will elaborate on in another post. partly for my memory, and partly to whet your appetite. though, i suppose if i was really trying to do that i'd write less obvious and more cryptic messages that would tantalyze your thoughts until sunday, when i post. i'm really looking forward to it, and you should too.

hehe.

just a little pick-me-up for you.

haiku for you

written in earth science yesterday:

mother nature sucks
nature abhors a vacuum
Hoover- get away!

squish! that bug is dead
his guts all over my shoe
my murderous shoe.

mr. bretz's room
was cooler than this one is
i miss ol' KB

indestructible
bullet proof- dang thick plastic
i just want to drink

lean mean green machine
the golly green giant rocks
i want some green beans.

cleavage is funny
because we're talking about
rocks, not boobs- pervert.

in-n-out burger
the best place in the whole world
i would get fat there.