GPA is your worst nightmare.

I'm really tired of grades. They are so subjective and random and annoying and uggh. For example, this whole Biology incident. This ridiculously low grade does not reflect my true caliber as an AP Bio student. So I forgot my homework- it happens to the best of us. The usual punishment is a letter grade deduction for every day it's late. But not for Bodnar. What exactly is he trying to prove to me? It's not like I was slacking, or that I deserve this really bad grade. The worst thing is that Bodnar admits this. He knows I wasn't slacking, and when I asked him if the grade I will end up with for the six-weeks is a true representation of my level of student, he couldn't answer. Because he knew it wasn't. Mom was like- "He caught you! He got you in a low moment." to which I responded: "As if it were a game in which I needed to be caught?" All I keep thinking is that if my class rank status is messed up because of this simple 35, I will quit life. The entire high school career that I have spent at the top of my class will be rendered pointless because of this one homework grade. That's really what I'm thinking. I'm not that much of an overachiever, I have just worked myself into this corner. It's not about getting into college, it's not about beating anybody else in my class, it's not about proving myself to anybody but myself. It's like running a marathon and it looks like your going to win and then in the last 100 feet or something, somebody trips you.

And most of this discussion is silly, because I'm going to take the exam and bring up my grade and I'll probably stay number one even with this not 6.0. And back to Bodnar, he doesn't understand my complaint. His reasoning: "Well, it's still over a 4.0." He doesn't understand it. But that's ok. I'm actually not that mad about it. I'm just mad at my forgetful self. But it's not tearing me up as much as it did back in Computer App when I almost got a 95. My whole life felt bad. Now I'm just kind of disappointed or something. Because everything else is fine. Even Biology is still fine. Like I did really well on the test. And Calculus is really fun. And English is fun, even though I don't like the subjectivity of grading in there either. I still like Goldie and the way she runs her class. The subjectivity is ridiculous in Spanish class. I mean ridiculously, like I just don't even try to figure it out anymore. Swimming is good- I qualified for states in the 100 breast. And life is good in every other way, too. And music makes my life so much better all the time. Good music, that is. But I think all music is good music, in its own way. But that's another post topic. So I'm not depressed. Which is a good thing.

I'm just fed up with High School. Ever since Governor's School, I've been resentful that I can't have good discussion classes like that. Which is partly why I like English class- it reminds me a lot of GSW. Maybe. I talk about GSW too much. Haha. I heart my GSW experience. But yeah, I am trying to enjoy these last few moments of High School because I know I will look back on it fondly. I want to look around and enjoy life, but I think I'm doing a good job of it right now, so I'm not worried.

Blogging is fun times.