Refverie - 2017 Best Books

 I read SO MANY books in 2017! So many more than I set out to, at least. I credit the fact that I started (and stopped lol) a book club and decided I was allowed to buy books (reduced my library availability/deadline anxiety). This year I tried to read more books by women of color and I was NOT disappointed. In fact, going back to read books by white guys was honestly destabilizing. Anyway I think these were my 6 favorite books! • BINTI was some of the best writing I think I’ve read ever... her world was so lush and it pulled me in immediately. HOMEGOING was unique and rich with feeling and sadness. THE MOTHERS was the first one we read for book club so it holds a special place in my heart. Lots of good discussion. TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN was obviously good because as 🙄 as he may be, John Green knows how to write a YA novel. Writing from the perspective of a person with the disorder he also suffers from made this a very authentic read. DEAR FANG, WITH LOVE brought up similar issues with mental instability- and showed how complicated it can be to love a family member suffering from a mental condition. HUNGER was the most straightforward thing I’ve ever read (I’m feeling hyperbolic about these books but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). Gay’s struggle with body image is compelling and relatable, and her writing feels fresh and honest. • • Honorable mention: Fates and Furies (so compelling and eye-roll-y) and Sing, Unburied, Sing (so rich and sad and ghosts!)

Refverie - Foggy Riverside

Foggy school morning... I can’t believe this semester will be over in 5 short school weeks! It’s definitely a different vibe- I’m not coaching swimming!! I have so much free brain space! It’s wild. I’m excited/nervous to teach AP again in the spring- it’s been a whole year and I’ve just been teaching/grading for one class this semester. I’ve got a lot of systems that work for me and I’m excited to put them to work. (I hope it snows on Friday!!!!)

Refverie - New Chair

 Got a new chair for the guest room ($35 from @trosathriftstore!!!) and it’s allowed me to pick up this big ol crochet sampler blanket again... I forgot how calming crocheting is- the repetition, the resulting product, the time spent away from this phone lol (please ignore the adorable Hillary bag that I thought I would be able to wear with pride this past year 😭😭😭)

Refverie - Wreath

 I got a new wreath today but it was really hard to take a pic bc I hung it on a mirror? How do ppl take pics of mirrors? I’ll never understand the ways of the instafamous.• • • I was feeling out of sorts & very SundaySad today, then I remembered that yoga is a thing. I forgot how much my physical being is connected to my mental being. I need to spend more time caring for my body & moving it & listening to it. Bodies are weird and I don’t want to be at odds with mine (a feeling I’ve had lately). Gonna keep trying I guess!

Refverie - Camping

This weekend was so refreshing!!! I got inspired at (& presented at) the NC Science Teacher Association conference, camped in perfect camping weather with perfect fall leaves, survived a 10-mile hike with not-yet-broken-in boots, attended a new & awesome book club, caught up with my sis @jillb0_baggins, ate delish tacos/drank a delish mocktail/made new friends/kept the old at @katrinapm’s house, and Byron just brought me pizza in bed!!!! Im feeling really calm, grounded, healthy, and #blessed lately! (Gonna try to hold onto this feeling as long as I can in this school week lol)

Refverie - Down to the River

 Got to take some classes down to the river this week! I loved getting my feet wet in the nice cool water, especially with it this clear, calm, and low. Not being the naturalist at the Eno this summer meant that I didn’t get as much time out here as I would’ve liked. I forget how much I love rivers until I’m down in one! Gotta find my hammock straps so I can do some hiking & lounging now that it feels like fall again.

Refverie - Weaving Again

 Y'all... I love weaving. It's so fun. It is very detail oriented and tedious (which I actually love) also it involves a lot of counting but not a lot of measuring (which I also love) but it doesn't make my wrist hurt (like crochet and knitting) so I'm into it. The only problem is that looms cost $500 used 😲💸 Ima save up haha

Refverie - Books

 I'm sitting here grading papers looking at a stack of books I wish I could be reading!!! Take me back to the summer when we hadn't set up our TV yet and my brain was relaxed enough to read all day! I read like 6 long books in July and loved it.• • If you can believe it, I didn't really start reading for fun til like 2013... School had somehow trained me out of reading for leisure. When I was young I would read alllllll the time. Then I just... stopped? I guess? In 2013 I made it my New Years resolution to read 15 minutes per day, and it changed my life! In 2014 I read 52 books! I also credit Goodreads with making me enjoy the reading community and also @taliaissmart for peer-pressuring me into writing reviews of books. Last year I felt burdened by reading again, but this year I allowed myself to buy more books (and I got a kindle and use the library app to get ebooks), and I'm back! I was nervous making my reading goal 30 books bc I didn't want my hobby to feel like a burden. But this year already I've read 28 books!!! That's wild!!! I love books.

Refverie - Weaving

 My little home for the next eight Tuesdays! I'm excited to learn a new craft skill (weaving) but this time with the guidance of a teacher and the structure of a class (instead of teaching myself). I think I might like this! If I do, I'd be following the footsteps of my mom's grandfather and aunt, and I think that would be really cool.

Refverie - Eclipse

 Still not over the eclipse y'all... I know the pictures all look the same but this was something that just has to be experienced in person. I was really overwhelmed. A teacher at school asked me why it was overwhelming and I had a hard time pinpointing it. That seeing the sun and the moon at the same time interacting kinda made me lose my mental footing as if I realized for the first time we are on a tiny little globe hurtling around with other globes & stuff all around space??? Or that it was just so beautiful to see something I've literally never seen before hanging up in the middle of the sky??? That it universally caused people to exclaim in awe, reminding me that nature is a language and spirit that can impact any & everybody with this sense of grandeur???? It's hard to think we are just plopped down here with no souls or no spirit... I think when seeing this sight I just tapped into the spiritual river that is flowing all around but hard to access sometimes in the humdrum day-to-day stuff. Like when I went to church after the election and the songs filled me with such a sense of the holy spirit & hope- that the fight against oppression was not new and this body of people has a language to talk about this hurt and songs to sing about this hurt and tools to affirm the humanity of all people in the face of such evil. Maybe it's this sense of timelessness that knocks me down but also grounds me? Idk but this feeling will be with me for a long time.

Refverie - Back to School Followup

 Thank you to everyone who reached out to comfort me in my beginning of school despair!! I have been able to process things a lot more to isolate exactly why I am feeling these things & how to redirect to feel better things!!! It's easy for me to forget to do this type of thinking bc it doesn't come naturally, but that's why I have friends like y'all to help me!!!! • • • I went in to school today even though we aren't supposed to start til Thursday... I just knew I'd get stressed & want to talk to everyone and not feel like I got anything done. Though not many people were at school I still managed to spend a lot of the day talking lol... I'm now starting to get that excited feeling again!!! I'm glad to have my space back so now I can get back into my routine. Xoxoxo

Refverie - Back to School

 School is about to start and I'm feeling honestly not great. I've been trying to push down feelings of depression since August hit, and it's making me feel all out of sorts. I didn't think about school hardly at all this summer, rather focused on reading and getting the house in order and thinking about the wedding. But now that I have to face school again I'm just filled with such dread. I feel disconnected from my teacher self after such a hard semester last spring, and I feel like I've lost my footing a little bit. I keep comparing myself to teachers on the internet and it ends up making me a combination of sad and mad. I want to not compare, I want to feel confident again, but it is hard! I want to claim my uniqueness like I worked hard to do last year, but something is off right now and I can't quite figure it out. I might just need to take some meditative days to get my mind right in this next week. Oh, also I'm going to take a weaving on a floor loom class this fall so maybe I will like it and it will give me some meditative space. We can only hope!!! (But seriously if you could pray for peace for me that would be awesome xoxoxo)

Refverie - Screened-in Porch

 It has been a dream of mine for a while to have a screened-in porch because I LOVE reading & lounging outside but I HATE bugs/wind/direct sun. This was on the wishlist for a new house when we were looking, but I knew it was unlikely we'd find one simply bc of our price range & size of house we were finding therein. HOWEVER, this house was delivered to us from heaven because it has the most delightful screened-in porch and that wasn't even the selling point of the house!!!!! The weather here is so lovely today and Byron installed a ceiling fan (😻😻😻) this morning while I was at church so now I have come home to the most pleasant room I can imagine and it is truly a dream come true. I can't wait to essentially live out of this room during the fall. 💕🎋🏡🎏

Refverie - Wedding Food

 It's been a minute!!!! Today we went for a tasting at Med Deli to see which dishes we want them to include when we have them cater my *wEdDiNg* next year. The owner gave us all this for free and let us take home leftovers!!! While we were talking to him, regulars kept coming by to chat with him and he'd explain who they were afterwards. He also talked about how if we didn't eat everything on the wedding day, we could take it home or he'd give it to the homeless shelter because he hates wasting food. What a solid guy who clearly values this community and sees how good food can bring people together. I love it! Also... this food is going to be so legit why do I have to wait a whole year for this party?!!!?

Refverie - Busy

 Whew... I honestly don't know how I survived June. Grading in Ohio, the end of the school year, packing up my house, painting a new one, hiring movers for the first time (and realizing I am very ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about how to pack boxes), going to a 3-day PD conference, packing for Iceland, and now getting ready to board that plane and VACAY! Seriously. Omg. • • • When I was furiously getting a bunch of shit in the backyard ready for the dump, I realized I'd unearthed this robin's nest when it was too late. I was sad but it was also so cute I didn't know how to feel. Once things slow down maybe I'll be able to tap into my actual feelings again... that's something that I have a bad habit of doing- shutting down my emotions when I get busy. I barely even am letting myself feel the immense joy I cerebrally feel for this amazing time in my life, because I'm worried I won't be able to hold it together to get shit done. I'm working on that, though, bc feelings can be an all the time thing, you know?

Refverie - Slack Jaw

 In the last minutes of being 29 you can catch me getting emotional over this sorrowful/beautiful/wrecking song by Sylvan Esso. Life is so big and vast and it overwhelms me with happy & sad all at the same time. 💕 my 20s were so great but I really think my 30s are going to be a whole new kind of beautiful

Refverie - The Entertainer

 This thing happens when people meet me for the first time where they are so surprised when I turn on my entertainer side... like, I seem normal & down-to-earth & maybe sitting back bc I've never met any of them before, but then it's karaoke so I give my all singing every single word to Friday by Rebecca Black. My friends are used to these shenanigans, but people who don't know me all of a sudden see me as simply defined by that silly side... like they start pressuring me to perform at any given moment and they try to make me be funny on command or something. Whenever this happens I get super annoyed and shut down and want to just sit in my room by myself and go into hiding so people stop asking me to tell jokes or sing songs or whatever. Usually my best friends or people I connect with just laugh and then keep treating me like a rando which is honestly my favorite. I'm not trying to steal the show 24/7 and if you hang out with me for a while it gets old & you'd probably want me to chill out honestly. This is all coming up bc I'm in Ohio grading APES exams and last year I did karaoke and wore this cat sweatshirt and this year a bunch of people keep doing that thing I just described above and I am Over It. But I did meet a group of really funny people who don't make me perform but keep being funny back to me and it feels way better and is actually a fun time. • • • Lol the struggles of an entertainer I'm so annoyed at the way I sound talking about this

Refverie - Reminders

 (Photo credit: @glossier) I really love these reminders because they have enough grace while keeping the firmness that I try to use when thinking about my own work. I definitely struggle to do one thing at a time, but I am working at it. That's what's nice about this week grading AP exams in Ohio- from 8 to 5 I have one job, and that's to figure out if the kid answered the question. All these educators are in a room dutifully reading & thinking & processing & deciding, and it's really actually awesome. It's hard to comprehend the scale of these tests though. This many humans exist?!??!!! Wild.

Refverie - TBT

 TBT!!!!!! I am such a pack rat for notes & mementos- I just found this flier in my teaching notes/memories binder from when Pringle went missing while I was student teaching. Turns out she was just chillin with some rando Carrboro couple & their rabbit, lol. I love memories!!!!! And I love Pringle.

Refverie - Peonies

 We got Byron's Mom a peony arrangement for Mother's Day and it's still going so strong and is so pretty. I love flowers!!!• • • House things are falling into place!!! I'm about to own a house with my Swtbb!!!! There are only 2 more school days that I'm going to attend!!! Summer is so close!!!!! Omg!!!!!!!!

Refverie - Body Positivity

 bOdY PoSi PoSt!!!! I'm not that body positive these days though I feel like I'm trying to be. I'm definitely at the highest weight I've ever been, but I also have the best work/life balance I've ever had??? And I had salads for lunch like infinity more times this semester than I ever had in the past??? I'ma try to do a 90-day-yoga challenge, by body-posi yoga friends @mynameisjessamyn & @nolatrees, but I still balk at seeing my body move in the mirror. Like, I want to *fix* it, but I feel like that's not the right outlook. My body isn't broken, and it is wonderful and strong and holds me up every day!!! I'm hoping to aim for health and less for weight, so I think I'ma just rock leggings and flowy skirts so I don't have to face the weight for the summer. Also I'm gonna try to learn to cook so I don't eat pizza as much. Also this may or may not have been inspired by the classic "Ms. Refvem are you pregnant?" question from a student that is a once-a-semester guarantee. 🤦🏻‍♀️💪🏻💕🤸🏻‍♀️

Refverie - Moving Thoughts

 Been thinking about how to feel two feelings at once without labeling one as *bad* and the other as *good*. I think I do this as a part of my enfJ personality (emphasis on the J) to help me judge the way forward so I can make a decision & move on. However, I don't have to apply that mindset to every decision. Ex: things are pretty much going forward on our house, so I'm feeling really nostalgic & sad to leave our current neighborhood & little house. But I'm also excited to move to a new place and move on to a new phase of adulthood!!! Part of me wants to shut down the sad part or not start feeling the happiness part to help me feel better about the decision, but another part of me thinks it's ok to feel both feelings at the same time. Idk. • • • This is not a pink filter- we have a grow light on our lemon tree that is BRIGHT PINK from 7:30am to 5:30pm every day 🌳🍋💕

Refverie - Jobabes

 Thinkin about mothers and the older I get I'm like ... wait, what? My mom was a human like I am a human yet she managed to give her full self to care for FIVE completely independent human beings? And she somehow holds us together all these years later? Like she somehow manufactured a family dynamic that made us be 100% ourselves and 100% dependent on the love and community of our immediate family? And she kept her sense of self and remained silly and loving through all that? That's amazing. It's unreal. It's magical. I hope I can be as authentic and legit as this one!!!! Xoxoxo love u Jobabes, I'm always in awe of you!!!!

Refverie - Surf Club

 No filter on the beautiful night sky at Surf Club 🏄🏻‍♀️• • • Byron and I had the most pleasant evening!!! I've been feeling a deep exhaustion both from my difficult semester and from the house search... I've just been feeling like a blob & all I've been up for doing after work is bingeing TV shows. But Byron suggested we ride bikes downtown, so we did! We got sandwiches at Lucky's then took them to Surf Club to eat them and then I taught him how to play Mille Bornes, a French card game about racing cars (? Lol). I'm so happy he didn't let me stay all scrumplt up on the couch!!! 💕🚴🏻‍♀️🌇

Refverie - Love Notes from Students

 NOTES ARE MY LOVE LANGUAGE I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Refverie - Walk-In

 Today we had a walk-in at school to send a message that our schools deserve more!! NC really needs some education love from the higher ups, like for Real. Mainly while standing out there I kept watching kids get off the bus and was thinking about that experience that frames their day that I have no clue about. Where do they come from? Is the bus a place of comfort or of stress? Does it maybe not matter at all? I honestly never even think about this part of their lives, so it was an interesting empathy practice. • • • Also I was telling my friends that this girl (one of my former students) holding this sign looked like the cover of a YA graphic novel... she's so cool.

Refverie - Lunch Duty

 Trying to pretend that I'm not on lunch duty! Though I'm sitting on dusty concrete next to some smelly dumpsters, I'm enjoying reading an interesting book on a beautiful spring day.

Refverie - Teacher Identity

Thinking about how much *me* is wrapped up in my teaching. I worked hard to get it that way! Teaching is such a highly personal job because nobody else can be -you- with the kids & the content & etc. I feel like I thrive because my content is Me and my interactions with students are Me & have been since my camp counselor days. I'm just realizing it this semester bc I'm teaching Physical Science which is Not Me!!! (Every physics/chem class I took in college resulted in me crying to my professors!!!!!) I am completely derailed! Feeling so blech all day e'ry day except 1st period Earth Science, my Shining Star. So I'm realizing how much teaching would suck if I couldn't be me... so I guess the silver lining is that this terrible semester has reminded me how much I feel in touch with my teaching self otherwise. Success? I guess. Mostly I just feel as frumpy as I look in this Riverside bathroom mirror selfie with my hair being (poorly) held up by a pencil (not as glamorous as it was made out to be in Pop Culture, tbh).

Refverie - End of the Year

 Wow... this semester is almost done. (Note my last day on May 31 💃🏻) I get so existential at the end of school... I start thinking about how stressed kids get about exams, and how stressed these APES teachers get on the FB page about *needing* their kids to do well, and I'm just like... is it worth this stress? What if education could take place in a totally different way that encouraged more authentic interactions and learning? (Then I'm like... why are we even here? What is life? Help??... I really earn that summer break lol) I guess I'll just keep mulling it over every year and make little changes to bring that dream closer to reality. • • • Also please appreciate this baller addition to my classroom. This calendar helps my kids (and me) so much... it kinda anchors us down in the routines of the school etc.

Refverie - House Offer

 Ya girl's offer got accepted on a house!!!!!!!! Big moves happening over here!!!!! Also the rain stopped so I'm making my kids calculate how much runoff happens from the Riverside parking lot!!!!!!!! Science!!!!!!!!!

Weekends r fun

What a good weekend!!!

First of all, we had to look at *6* houses to buy this weekend. This whole house-buying business has been FRUSTRATING to say the least. We are looking at the same houses as all these Duke bozos (sorry if you are a Duke bozo - I love you but stop trying to buy the same house in the same price range as me seriously) and we KEEP GETTING OUTBID. Honestly. Can a girl get a break.

So anyway, we had to go look at 6 houses, probably to desensitize us to our most recent loss (a beautiful house in Northgate Park with a YARD for days and just so much potential, and way in our price range)... and we found one we REALLY LIKE. I will not jinx it here, but let's just say it could be a good thing.........

Then I got to teach a group of kids for a district AP review, and everyone was tricked into thinking they were learning more b/c they were hearing it from my voice instead of their teacher's, so I felt so successful!

My friend hangs were on point this weekend as well. On Saturday Maura came over and we shared some *vInHo vErDe* and she & Byron & I talked about life lately. We talked about being 30, what it will be like to be adults/parents, what it's like being in what I like to call "3rd wave Durham" (since a lot of people have moved out in waves, and we have survived through them all). Just lots of fun. Another fun people hang was with Katrina on Sunday... she was the lone book-club attendee, and we sat around and talked about the book/life by candlelight (thanks Duke Power... it's not like I needed lights from 2pm to 10pm anyway). People feed my soul and I reeeeeeealy like the people in my life!!!

I also got to sing at church today, and I'll probably save my love for singing at church for another post because it really gives me life. Probably I should do a weekly "this gives me life" type of post. Into it.

Alright! I'm writing this while my kids are self-directed doing vocabulary practice! I love that I've set up a Monday routine that allows for 45 minutes of me not having to do anything in front of them! That's an experienced teacher trick right there, and I'm here for it.

xoxo

Refverie - Blog?

 Weekend recap is up on the blog!!! 🐛🐞🔮🎢🤸🏻‍♀️🎉💕LiNk iN BiO🦋🎒📖😻👩🏿‍🎤🐳

Refverie - 3rd Period

 I was so proud of myself today! 3rd period started off on a bad note. I was a little meaner than usual and the girls in my class were not having it. I thought it was going to be a bad day and it was making me feel yucky... BUT, I reset my attitude and compromised with the girls (they *could* eat chips if they promised to sweep up any crumbs) and we all felt a lot more pleasant for the rest of the day!!! I'm glad I didn't wallow and was able to recognize it made me annoyed and do what I could to frame it more positively. Success!!!!

Refverie 4 - Houses

 We're looking for houses in this ridiculous Durham market and honestly it's getting to me. Tonight we found out we got outbid on our THIRD offer on a house... I was doing fine until the evening when I was winding down for sleep and my defenses were down... needless to say I started sobbing uncontrollably (it wouldn't be a huge life transition if I didn't break down sobbing at least once!!!). Byron heard me crying and came to calm me down by literally just lying on top of me to squish me down because I think I have a bit of a sensitivity disorder where I just get so overwhelmed I need to be buried under heavy things to calm down. Anyway, the fact that he knew to do that when I was freaking out reminds me how much he truly knows me and how great it feels to be known by someone in those ways. 💕 (This is a pic from hiking last year that I love but never posted.)

Refverie 3

 I worked hard to collect things I loved for travel and now I have simply the best setup! I am really amped to look at all these pinks/purples/teals, but I'm even more amped to always have hot coffee and enough space for things without feeling like my arm is going to fall off. • • • Brand shoutouts!!!! 🎒: @fjallravenofficial 💼 : @delseyofficial ☕️ : @hydroflask (kept my latte hot for 3 hours!!!!) 📝: #moleskine (obv) 📖: @amazonkindle 🖊: @pilotpenusa G207 !!!

Refverie 2

Byron & his fam & I went to a wildlife ranch in Texas and it was pretty awesome! It reminded me of when I went to Kenya in summer '07 and got to go on safari like every day. It was better there bc we got to stand up in Land Rovers, and I had more chances to be silly and make up voices for the animals (one of my favorite pastimes). We rode in the car with Byron's grandparents and they are very cute!!! I was scared to feed the animals from my hand, but I did let this one eat some and it was nice and didn't use its teeth.

SIKE

I'm back!!!!!!!!!!! I know I made a very dramatic post in 2008 that this blog was *over*, but I am ready to resurrect it. I no longer feel ashamed by 2004 Emma's ridiculous overusage of "silly goose", and I am ready to blog in the original & best blog I've had!!!!! But with a slight twist... I'm starting a NEW BLOGSTAGRAM!!! (ooooooh!) I feel like ever since Google Reader hit the dust (RIP so hard), I have stopped coming to a browser to actually read blogs. Also I feel like the market has been saturated with blogs and I/we are suffering from a bit of blogshaustion. I love hearing my friends' thoughts, though, and we already know that blogging stole my heart in high school, so I guess I am back. (no promises that this one will regularly update, though, ok???!!??? check the 'gram for more regular thoughts (hopefully))

So the insta is @refverie - I wanted to make the shortest handle possible, so I had to find a word that had some similar letters to *emma* or *refvem* and I seem to have landed on a word that might be as trite as *wanderlust*. Smh. I am just really *leaning in* to my bloglife now. 

My goal is to post about pop culture things I like, because I like pop culture a lot. And I will probably also post my weird thoughts about strawberries (i'm saying that b/c a bowl of strawberries is sitting in front of me and i literally almost composed at least a two-paragraph post of why i like to eat strawberries the way i do...). In that way, I think it will keep up the rich history of this blog being very silly but also something I take far too seriously.

xoxo

Refverie 1

(going back through my blog-sta-gram and archiving it here for posterity...)

I have really been wanting to start a blog recently but I honestly spend 0.00 time on web browsers looking at blogs anymore (RIP Google Reader honestly I have been lost without it). I *do* however follow a few blogstagrams nowadays so I think insta is gonna be the best place for me to post my musings about books, movies, tv, pop culture, products, trees, and other things I think a lot about. (I don't know if I can fully get on board with the ... followed by a bunch of hashtags, but you never know) • • • This is a white oak leaf and white oaks have cool bark and rounded edges of their leaves compared to other oak leaves. I learned this last summer hiking in the Eno and I hope to try to learn another nature trick this summer. 🌳🍃