Ok. I definitely have not reached the stage in my college life to go to a coed Hoe Down safely yet. I can't handle it. I want to meet a good group of girls to be best buds with, but it's hard to do so when they are all trying to meet boys. A bunch of boy-crazy college girls looking for husbands or boyfriends or hookups is not the scene I feel comfortable in right about now.
It's an interesting thought, though-- relationships in college. When Eric Leathers gave me words of wisdom for college, I had a couple reactions to them. "Don't fall in love during your first semester" was his advice. My first reaction was-- that won't be a problem. The other was-- one semester of college is not enough time to do so. But now I see more reason to the sage advice. It's less about actually falling in love as it is the mentality. Going into college, you are bombarded with new people to meet. If the thought of finding the love of your life is in the back of your mind, it alters the way you think about everyone-- subconsciously, of course. Somehow you find yourself measuring everybody up to some imaginary standard you've built up for yourself. "Could I be friends with this person?" "Could I see myself with this person?" "I wonder if they like me." First impressions become a crucial factor of social interaction.
I've found myself falling back into my habits of overanalyzation while here. The moments when I can slip out of that mindset are the most free and most fun. I get so caught up in trying to find who I really click with that I don't just let things happen. Everything has an underlying meaning or something. Its hard to find what to focus on. There is so much free time, and I have to get over the fact that this is not camp. It's my new life. These people will be my "college friends," like the ones my sister and my college-age friends have. But I've only been here for 2 weeks. That is not enough time to find and bond with a group of good friends all at once. When I remember this, I switch back into the favorable mindset and stop overanalyzing things. Then I feel like a normal person again. And I like it.
I keep telling myself that I'll be happier when Young Life (or I guess I should start calling it College Life) starts. If nothing else, I can throw my energy into something with which I am very familiar. It's easier because I already know that I love YL.
So, yeah. Falling in love my first semester. I don't want it to happen. I want to find myself and my group of friends before I try to devote my energy to things I don't know how to do, namely relationship things. I have no idea how to deal with those kinds of things. My overanalytic nature is the worst thing in the world for that. For example: what is this post even about? Me trying to express some sort of coherent thought on a vague theme. It doesn't make sense, really. And neither does my brain when I think of any type of relationship-- friend ones or romantic ones or any other ones you can think of.
In conclusion, I'm tired and am trying to face the transition into college, and you are seeing the effects of that. There will be more on this stuff later, I guess. Until then, zaijian! (it means goodbye in chinese... hehe)
p.s.- i really like college, don't get me wrong. i really do. it's gonna be a really fun experience.
2 comments:
Hey Emma, Thanks for the comment, your photos are great too
Emma, it's like you took some of the thoughts out of my very head.
That's crazy. But it makes me feel better to know that there is someone else who is having the same feelings that I am.
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